The economic crisis is being taken advantage of by bullies in the home and workplace
A CHARITY providing support to victims of bullying has warned of an increase in bullying in the workplace and at home because of the recession.
Fr Tony Byrne of the Awareness Education Centre says his office is being contacted by an ever-increasing number of victims of bullying. The Dublin centre was set up as a charity 16 years ago by the Presentation Sisters and the Spiritan (formerly the Holy Ghost) congregation. Its programmes cover issues such as bullying, suicide prevention and alcohol misuse.
He says bullies in the workplace are taking advantage of the economic crisis and the lack of job opportunities. “Employees are slow to confront workplace bullies in case they lose their jobs and will not be able to obtain alternative employment,” he says.
Bullying in the home is also increasing because of tensions due to unemployment and financial stress, he says.
It was the high level of inquiries that encouraged him to organise a conference on the issue in Croke Park next Tuesday night. Guest speakers include Mountjoy prison governor John Lonergan, consultant psychiatrist Prof Patricia Casey and barrister Anne Dunne, as well as Fr Byrne and his colleague, Sr Kathleen Maguire.
“We’ve had so many appeals for help,” Fr Byrne says. “Most of these victims are experiencing deep psychological pain and many tell us that their bullies are trying to break them down. People have also contacted us to get our advice on how they can help their dear ones who are suffering tremendously.”
Between 14 and 20 per cent of all suicides are associated with bullying and one in four people are bullied in the workplace or at home.
Fr Byrne says he was a victim of bullying by a work associate in the past but it took him a long time to recognise it.
“It was persistent and repeated painful put-downs, ridicule, unjustified criticisms, shouting and false accusations,” he recalls. “I had a pain in the pit of my tummy with it, but I never knew why.”
A colleague saw what was happening and told him he was being bullied. “It never dawned on me that I could be bullied. But it was a liberating feeling to be able to put a name on it.” He confronted the person and the bullying stopped.
He says bullies in the workplace often use the excuse that they are “only joking” to protect themselves. Isolating a colleague and spreading rumours that damage his or her reputation are common methods used by workplace bullies.
Bullying in the home often involves the control of money. “Victims can be denied money to pay for food, clothing or other bills. I have heard of victims having their mail interfered with and their private rooms and wardrobes searched by bullies,” he says.
Victims have told him that bullies will constantly focus on small issues or little mistakes. “Bullies keep harping on these small issues. The small issues are often blown out of all proportion and are used as an excuse to bully.”
All this sounds very familiar to Frank* who says he was bullied by his wife from the day they married until they separated 20 years later. Like Fr Byrne, he did not recognise he was being bullied for some time.
“We were young and I thought this was normal, that everyone put up with this in a marriage. I think it was eight or 10 years before I realised what was going on,” he says.
Frank says his wife was “a control freak” who made every decision in the home, down to the friends he had, the clothes he wore and the food he ate. It got worse when their three children were born and he felt he had no say in family life. He tried to confront her many times “but it was always my fault. It was everyone’s fault except her own. And eventually you convince yourself that it must be your fault, that you must be a very difficult person to live with.”
She also began to drink heavily which led to physical violence, he says. He recalls how he tried to hide it from the children and would beg her to not shout at him in front of them, but she seemed to relish confrontation. Frank, who is now retired, had a senior position at work, so colleagues would have been surprised to hear that he was being bullied by his wife. But he says it was the support from his workmates that helped him to cope.
He eventually left his wife five years ago. “For 20 years I stuck by it. I thought I had made my bed and I had to lie on it. But it was a serious, serious struggle. It has left scars that will never go away.”
*Not his real name.
The National Conference on Bullying in the Home and Workplacewill be held at the Croke Park Conference Centre on Tuesday, March 9th at 7.30pm. Admission is €15. E-mail info@awareness education.org for more information
