"I hate Christmas. Thank God it's over"
"I'm always intrigued when people say this at dinner parties. Christmas is a kind of litmus test," says Professor Anthony Clare, director of St Patrick's Hospital, Dublin. "People who have had very unhappy childhoods, have had unhappy Christmases too."
"I hate parties"
"An awful lot of socially anxious adults come out of troubled, destructive and anxiety-provoking families," says Dr Clare. "Often, part of the reason that there was so much disharmony was that one of the partners was drinking too much, a frequent cause of anxiety and trouble in any childhood experience." Ironically, these socially anxious adults may ease their tension by drinking too much.
"Christmas was a disaster, all we did was argue"
Don't blame your relationship unnecessarily, cautions Claire Missen, of the Marriage and Relationships Counselling Service. Christmas is a time when we tend to expect everyone to get on together, but it is such a pressured time that the pressure itself can provoke rows. If your relationship and family life go harmoniously almost all year, and things got out of hand at Christmas, then blame Christmas. But if the dissatisfaction you feel is a heightened version of the unhappiness you feel all year round, then you need to seek counselling, Ms Missen advises. "The lull after Christmas is a time to take stock and counselling can be a new beginning in a lot of relationships. In these few days, when there is nothing much to do, start thinking about the things you have been avoiding and don't be afraid to look at what is going on in your relationships. People often come to counselling with issues they are afraid to talk about, but once they start talking, they often learn that it is not as bad as they feared," she says.
"Thank God Christmas is over"
Have a look at how your Christmas went and ask: `What does it say about you?', suggests Professor Clare. "We have an increasing number of families where both the parents are working very hard outside the home and then they are all thrown together on Christmas Day, for no better reason than there's nowhere else to go. Some people find the day with the family very stressful. But if you can't spend a day with your own child, or a day with your parent, doing nothing in particular and letting yourselves `just be', then what does that say about you?"
"I didn't see my family this year"
Some families are very bonded and always get together, while others do all they can to avoid it. "I'm always struck by the fact," says Dr Clare, "that so many of my patients would have, say, five brothers and sisters and never see any of them. I ask them: `Where are they? Scattered all over the world?' And it turns out they are scattered all over Dublin. You get a picture of how many families there are where the bonds are very weak. They tend to be families where they worked hard, but there was not much love or emotion and people didn't say much."
"There's nothing to do"
For many people, the adrenalin is still running despite the kind of post-performance let-down that sets in on December 26th. "People start drinking to kill the empty feeling and get stupid drunk," says Ruth Barror, CEO of the Marriage and Relationships Counselling Service in Dublin. Because it's Christmas, there's permission to drink in the morning and at lunch, which is a way of avoiding the feelings of emptiness that set in for a while, quite naturally at this time of year. "People are too exhausted to acknowledge their exhaustion and to sit in that for a while, and give as much time to their own enjoyment as they did to giving everyone else pleasure on Christmas Day," says Ms Barror. Do something pleasurable instead of drinking, like going for a walk, she suggests.
"I'm a nervous wreck"
You often hear the mother of the house saying this, because Christmas is an emotional obstacle course full of endless details which she must remember in order to make everyone's Christmas happy. She has to satisfy her children and her inlaws and she has to make sure everyone is getting on with everyone else. "Make sure to do something to please yourself, too," suggests Ms Barror.
"I've blown it. Everyone was fighting. It was a terrible day"
"You cannot take responsibility for other people's states of mind. If people didn't react to the things you wanted them to react to in the way you wanted them to react, you have to let go and concentrate on the things that you did well," advises Ms Barror.
"I don't celebrate New Year's Eve"
Believe it or not, the fear of death is at the basis of this common statement, suggests Dr Clare. When you're young and have your life ahead of you, the passing of another year is something to celebrate. You don't have to be a psychiatrist to realise that for older people, the turn of the year is an unwelcome reminder of mortality.