Mind Moves: Historic anniversaries are public and visible. Each society has its own commemorative dates. Some are cause for celebration. Others are shameful remembrances.
There are man-made catastrophes and natural calamities, stories of survival and narratives of fatalities. There are public holidays and parades, plaques to be placed and bouquets to be laid. There are new years to be rung in with fireworks, old battles to be remembered, dead heroes to be honoured and living legends to be feted.
On some commemorative days there may still be veterans with personal memories. But with the passage of time historical annals may define which anniversaries are celebrated and which are not, depending on their significance socially, culturally, scientifically, economically, geographically, politically or in terms of international relationships of war and peace.
Anniversaries remind nations of the momentousness of historical events so that ideally the best human endeavours may be emulated and the worst may never be repeated.
Institutions also mark their progress since their establishment. Professional bodies celebrate their foundation. Educational institutions commemorate their origin, venerate their founders and celebrate advances.
Anniversaries are important psychological stocktaking activities. Often revering the old while initiating the new, they maintain mental continuity between present and past. They mark the passages of time, the progress of humanity and plans for future progression.
However, public holidays are but one form of remembrance. There are also private remembrances. These are personal memories. They are private anniversaries that go unmarked, although they may recall the most important occasions in a person's life. They are held in the heart while the world continues in its business, unaware that this day and date are special to that person and will remain so forever.
The most obvious example is the first anniversary of a death. On such occasions the world does not stop although it seems as if it should "stop all the clocks" and pause to remember our personal loss. It continues unaware of the significance of the day.
It is callous in its casualness, cruel in its continuance, cold-hearted in its disregard for private pain, refusing to commemorate this day that deserves remembrance. There are many such days in people's lives. Poet Longfellow describes them best: "The holiest of all holidays are those, kept by ourselves in silence and apart: the secret anniversaries of the heart."
Each day, somewhere, someone keeps a secret anniversary of the heart often holding it close while externally acting as if the day were just another ordinary day. These secret anniversaries can take many forms. They may be joyous: remembering first love, a wedding day, the birth of a child, the realisation of a dream, the publication of a book, the resolution of a problem or some very special successful family event. One may hug to themselves the private precious memory that "on this day, so many years ago, such and such happened which only those involved remember".
But sadly, many secret anniversaries are sorrowful: the birthday that nobody recalls, the anniversary of a stillborn child, the death of a young life, the diagnosis of illness, the death of a husband or wife. These secret anniversaries of the heart may also include the tragedy of suicide, the road traffic accident, the time a person went missing, the day a body was found, remembrance of the closing seconds of a parent's life, the collapse of a dream, end of a marriage, the injury that disabled, the ring on the doorbell, the seconds that changed the remainder of life.
What courage does it take to live a private anniversary, a secret anniversary of the heart, inwardly grieving, outwardly functioning, pretending that this day is like any calendar day?
People display this courage every day. There are people doing so today. The tragedies that make up daily news have anniversaries that those involved must face each year, long after the newspaper reader, the radio listener and the TV viewer have forgotten the terrible event.
But it is not just the newsworthy that is worthy of mention. Life brings loss. Loss brings anniversaries of the loss. Families face memories of family members, of those who have died, of those whom they miss.
Anniversaries awaken emotions. They remind one of the intensity of relationships that are not erased by the passage of time: that years do not obliterate memory although they may soften the pain. They show that one is capable of survival, even when life deals its worst.
Anniversaries of the heart show that each of us is called to live out "our one, our own and only life" in the best way that we can, remembering the past, facing the future, while embracing the memories of those who shared our living with us.
Longfellow had it right. These tender memories, these secret anniversaries of the heart, need no public proclamation. They are precious in their privacy, sacred by their silence and kept by us for others, as in time they will be kept, perhaps, by others for us.
• Marie Murray is director of psychology at St Vincent's Psychiatric Hospital, Dublin.