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Noeleen from Co Meath was heartbroken when she and her brothers decided their mother had to go into care. "I felt I had abandoned her."
Like many others who deal with a parent moving into care, Noeleen was also wracked with guilt. "I don't think you can get rid of the guilt," she tells presenter Sue Russell, who explores how older people and their families cope with the decision to move into residential care in the second of a six-part series about older people in care.
We hear that guilt is one of the commonest emotions, as well as deep feelings of having let the older person down, of having not done enough for them and of abandonment. Journalist and author Anne Dempsey notes that as guilt is "about remorse for a wrong-doing", many people are often being "very, very hard on themselves".
The other common emotion which arises when a parent goes into residential care is relief, especially for those who've had a major responsibility in caring for a long period of time, says Mo Flynn, senior commissioner with the Eastern Regional Health Authority.
These strong emotions can be compounded when families try to discuss and agree what's best for their older relative, Dempsey says.
"It's so easy for old hurts, unresolved issues, especially financial issues, to come to the fore, and this can be especially true if one family member in particular has taken up most of the responsibility for care," she says.
"Siblings may not be used to working closely with one another for many, many years... things can come unstuck very quickly..."
As Dempsey explains early in the programme, many people go into residential care "not in a considered response way but in a shocking, reactive way". They might have had a fall and been in hospital, from where they must go straight into care.
In an ideal world, the whole family, including the older person, would sit down and discuss the decision to move into residential care. Successful and satisfactory outcomes are more likely when the older person is actively involved in this decision, Flynn explains.
One success story is that of 87-year-old Eithne Flanagan who explains with refreshing honesty why she chose to move into sheltered housing in Mount Anville, Co Dublin. "I knew I would have to have independent accommodation because I couldn't live with any of my children. I love them dearly but I couldn't live with any of them..."
She is now in a one-bedroom semi-detached bungalow which has a panic button and a community centre for meals nearby. "I live my own life, I do what I want, I go to bed when I want, I eat what I want, or don't as the case may be and nobody bothers me."
The programme also touches on the suffering of isolated full-time carers in the home, which, although a deserving topic, seems slightly removed from the theme of coping with a move to residential care.
For anyone who has lived through seeing a loved one go into care or who has friends who have coped with this situation, this programme provides solace. For those who have yet to face these decisions, it provides valuable food for thought.