Childminders and creches have an enormous influence on children which means parents have to be happy with all aspects of their children's care, writes Sylvia Thompson
Most working parents are slow to admit that they are sharing the responsibility of child-rearing with their childminders, au pairs or creche staff.
Instead, we prefer to think about the time our children spend away from us as time in which they are simply being looked after.
Yet, children often establish certain behavioural patterns and emotional reactions during the hours spent in their childminder's home or in a creche.
The crux of the matter is how we, the parents, cope with such key learning experiences happening outside of our control.
Justine Walsh is what you might call a celebrity nanny as over the past 18 years she has worked for many stars of stage and screen (Richard Gere offers a reference on her website).
Together with another nanny, Kim Nicholson, she has written a book, Nanny Wisdom, and subsequently set up a problem-solving and coaching service for parents.
She says quite simply that childminding arrangements work best when parents and minders have similar child-rearing views. "You need to keep the rules and boundaries similar because if you've got a childminder doing something different from a parent, the child will manipulate the situation," she says.
So, we're talking similar rules on treats, time watching television, snacking, expectations for outdoor play and exercise - all areas on which many working parents have strong views. Crucially, Walsh says that parents and childminders should discuss in advance their views on time-out, dealing with tantrums and other areas of discipline.
"Basically, we say that if you don't feel comfortable and something is niggling you, go find some one else to mind your children," she says.
Acknowledging how difficult it is for working parents to set up childcare arrangements with which they are really happy, Walsh says "talking to childminders about how they would deal with certain situations before you start is very important and keeping the lines of communication open between childminders and parents is crucial at all times".
Although working parents are loathe to admit it, many do feel guilty about the long hours they spend away from their children. "Guilt is a huge issue for working parents," she says. "But, it's important for them to keep in their minds that the time spent with their children is important.
"Put away the mobile phone and the newspapers when you get home and be present with your child," she advises. "It's challenging not to start doing the household chores when you get home but even 20 minutes or so spent together will mean the world to your child."
However, Walsh is keen to emphasise that working parents shouldn't indulge their children by overlooking discipline, rules and schedules.
"Consistency is the most important tool for parents and you have to remind yourself that you are thinking of the child's future when you are consistent about what you do so, for instance, don't keep children up late because you haven't seen them because they will be tired the next day and out of kilter."
On their website (www.nanny-wisdom.com), Walsh and Nicholson offer lots of sensible tips for dealing with many of the common parenting issues. These include dealing with supermarket tantrums, weaning babies onto solid foods, over-scheduling, bedtime rituals and how best to cope with the crossover time when parents pick up children from their minders.
On supermarket tantrums, Walsh and Nicholson's advice is firstly not to take hungry and tired young children to brightly lit and noisy supermarkets and, secondly, if a tantrum does erupt, take the child straight out of the situation to a quiet place.
Other advice for children who won't come to the dinner table on time is to give them a timer set to go off in five minutes which, according to Walsh and Nicholson, makes getting to the table on time for dinner a game they can enjoy.
In their roles as advisers on children's behaviours, they are invited to speak at trade shows on baby products. So far they have spoken at events in the United States, Britain and Northern Ireland and will be in Dublin this weekend.
Walsh says the top three most sought- after areas for advice are the same at all these events or shows.
"Sleep is the top issue and while we don't expect parents to get babies into sleep routines straight away, we do remind them that they should start as they wish to continue so if you're happy to rock your child to sleep, be aware that they will expect this to last."
Generally speaking, they don't advocate bed-sharing and they prefer breastfed babies to be kept in a cot next to the bed rather than in the bed.
Potty-training is the second most popular issue for which parents seek advice.
"The key is to find a window of opportunity and stay close to home for a few days with the potty in the play area and give lots of praise and encouragement," she says.
Walsh says that many parents are now using pull-ups which actually delay toilet-training.
"Accidents are how children learn and parents have to make that leap of faith so that the child can master it."
How to establish good eating habits is, unsurprisingly, the third most popular area for which advice is sought. "Basically, we believe fresh is best from weaning time onwards. Our society has become very caught up in asking children what they'd like instead of telling them what they are having for dinner.
"It's okay to offer a choice of vegetables within a meal but it opens up problems if you give children too much choice."
And, Walsh and Nicholson say that game-playing or bribing around food is not a good idea. "It might work the first time but it won't work the second and third time so it's best not to do it, says Walsh.
Justine Walsh will be at the Nanny Wisdom stand at the Big Baby Show in the Simmonscourt Complex at the RDS, Dublin on Saturday and Sunday. See www.bigintobaby.co.uk for more details. See also www.nanny-wisdom.com