MIND MOVESOur interpretations of the world are often coloured by our own tinted lenses, writes Terry Lynch
PUT ON red-tinted lenses, and red will be the dominant colour in everything you see. Green- tinted, and the world is green. The spectrum of colour shrinks. We know that the lenses we wear affect how we see the world. Mind you, the longer we wear these lenses and the more used to them we become, the more we might forget that we are wearing them.
There are other, less obvious filters which colour our experience of people and the world.
In their song The Boxer, Simon and Garfunkel say that we hear what we want to hear and disregard the rest. This is true, but there is more to it.
We interpret the world through the lenses of our assumptions, beliefs, values, priorities, hopes, dreams, expectations, fears, needs (met and unmet), experiences, prejudices and biases.
Not realising that wearing these lenses is akin to wearing, say, blue-tinted glasses, we presume both that this is the way people and things actually are and that everyone else sees the world this way too.
Novelist Henry Tomlinson observed over 70 years ago that we do not see things as they are, but as we are ourselves. For example, the absence in our lives of what we deem important affects our experience and interpretation of situations.
A person who experiences a great deal of inner insecurity will likely experience the world as a terrifying place, regularly feeling high anxiety in situations which for another person might not provoke the slightest reaction.
I recall a young man during his second meeting with me several years ago, with terror on his face, shifting restlessly in his seat. I asked him what was going on for him. He replied: "I'm wondering if I can get out of here alive." There were just the two of us in the room. There was no external threat to him.
His experience of the outer world was coloured by the lenses of his inner world. Over the intervening years, that man has become self-assured. Consequently, the lenses he wears have changed as he no longer experiences the world in a state of dread and trepidation.
The lenses we wear colour our expectations of others. We expect them to behave in ways which coincide with our own beliefs and values. When others interact with us in ways which run counter to how we believe they should, we may feel shocked, hurt, disappointed, disillusioned, deflated, often remaining preoccupied by the encounter for days.
We forget that others have their own ways of seeing the world which they hold with the same certainty and self- righteousness we attach to our own. Failing to acknowledge this increases our chances of being taken by surprise and hurt by others' behaviour.
Resolution of conflict is difficult if we remain unaware of the inner lenses which inform how we evaluate the world and the situations which arise within our lives. The Northern Ireland peace process and Nelson Mandela's extraordinary achievements were due in no small part to each party acknowledging that the beliefs, values and priorities of those on the other side of the divide were as valid for them as their own were for themselves.
Successful conflict resolution is facilitated by being aware of our own lenses - and being prepared to respect those of others.
Being unaware of our lenses has its attractions, allowing us to live in a state of blissful ignorance. We create illusions of certainty, convinced that we are right and others are wrong, making it apparently easier to navigate through life.
There can be a price to be paid for such supposed certainties. Living this way is rarely blissful. Being unwilling to countenance other ways of experiencing and interpreting the world, our growth is limited, increasing our likelihood of becoming tunnel- visioned, rigid and inflexible. Not being aware of our lenses, we avoid that uncomfortable feeling experienced when we know we need to re-evaluate our interpretations and actions.
We become familiar with our lenses by noticing our reactions to situations and interactions we encounter and by paying greater attention to our "shoulds" "musts", "can'ts", "better-nots" which affect our daily encounters and actions.
These are expressions of our inner beliefs and values, lenses through which we feel we must live our lives and expect others to live theirs. We can then choose which of these we want to hold on to, which to let go of, creating space to explore fresh ways of interpreting and experiencing life.
• Terry Lynch is a psychotherapist, GP in Limerick and author of Beyond Prozac