That's men for you: What are the four scariest words a woman can utter to a man? Forget candidates such as "Will you marry me?" or "I'm having your baby."
No, the scariest words are, "We need to talk."
The woman may think it's a great idea to have a talk about some difficult issue in the relationship, get it all out in the open, talk it through etc.
But as soon as the man hears these words his blood pressure rises, alarm bells start clamouring in his mind and he assumes a hunted, haunted look.
It's like driving down the road and noticing there's a Garda motorcycle behind you. Even if you have been keeping within the speed limit, that part of your mind which is forever a schoolboy immediately assumes you have done something wrong.
Fortunately, the motorcycle cop usually goes on about his business. The woman who has declared that "we need to talk", however, does not.
By the time the "talk" comes around, the man is well and truly in his cave, hiding in the deep shadows. He may fling the occasional rock - in the form of a defensive comment - towards the entrance to repel intruders.
Now, because women will talk about their feelings at the drop of a hat, they do not necessarily realise that their partner is in a state of paranoia.
I have noticed in my work as a counsellor - the woman in my life is, of course, perfect - that women are very, very good at expressing themselves. As a matter of fact, they are too good at it.
The woman expresses her feelings comprehensively and with great precision. The occasional little barb may be launched. John "chooses" to play "his" golf on a Saturday morning instead of spending the time with "his" kids. In vain does John protest that the kids would rather be playing with their Playstations while watching Nickleodeon than bond with Dad.
Perhaps they might spend less time watching television if they had a father who showed an interest in them, he is told. John retreats back into his cave, growling and grinding his teeth.
The thing is, for all their gift at talking about their feelings, women can come across badly.
They often fail to understand that the man does not see himself as engaging in a conversation between equals.
The man - if we may leave the cave for a moment - sees himself as the prisoner standing in the dock while a lengthy charge sheet is read out.
Instead of engaging with the woman, he pleads "not guilty" and waits to be taken down to the cells.
This is why men can come across so badly too. The man defends himself or stonewalls or attacks back. The more frustrated the woman gets with this the more she presses forward and the more he retreats. In the end, everybody is angry, frustrated and fed up.
What's to be done? Here are four thoughts that might help men in communicating with women about difficult issues:
Generally speaking, women prefer to talk about problems than not to talk about them. There is nothing to gain from pretending to be a superman with no problems. As a matter of fact, if you don't have any problems you should make one up just so you can both have a nice chat about it.
Women like to express feelings and it wouldn't kill you to express your feelings occasionally too. Here's a trick: instead of telling her what happened at work today, tell her how you felt at work today.
The next time your partner wants to talk, look her in the eye and see if there is anything in what she says that you agree with. Then agree with it. See what happens.
If you want to take a rise out of her, stroll up when she's least expecting it and say, "We need to talk."
And what have I to say to the women? Er, nothing.
This column is for men. Go away. I deny everything. I am innocent. I have to leave now.
Padraig O'Morain is a journalist and counsellor accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.