A new RTÉ series aims to explore the heartbreaking aftermath of death by suicide, and the painful impact it has on those left behind to grieve
DEATH BY suicide is hard to talk about. Unfortunately we have to. It has become a reality for too many families and communities. It is as real as our current banking crisis, our economic downturn, and the litany of redundancies that we struggle to come to terms with on a daily basis.
Through dialogue we find truth; through honest reflection we find a way through our most difficult experiences.
The impact of suicide on families, friends and communities is difficult to imagine, unless one has known such a devastating loss. It leaves loved ones feeling shocked, angry, heartbroken and bewildered.
Too often this grief is silenced, finding expression only behind closed doors, in schoolyards, or in quiet corners where the bereaved struggle with questions, but cannot find answers.
Next week will see the first of three weekly episodes being broadcast on RTÉ – 9.30pm, Monday, March 9th – that addresses in a very sensitive but powerful way, the tragedy that is suicide, and the painful impact it has on those who are left behind to grieve and to ask “Why?” This series hopes to bring the subject out from behind closed doors to a public forum.
Titled I see a darkness, each episode tells the story of a particular person, their family, friends and their immediate community. Showing a depth of empathy and sensitivity that we have come to associate with him since his four-part series Asylum, the director Alan Gilsenan brings the viewer into the homes and hearts of three families.
In two of these families, their sons died by suicide, at ages 16 and 22 respectively. The final episode of the series features a woman who almost died but who survived to find a reason and the determination to live.
Her story is likely to be an important encouragement to many people caught up in some darkness in their personal lives.
Sitting with them around a kitchen table, he allows parents, siblings and others to reconstruct the life and personality of their loved one. Snippets about each of their personalities bring them vividly to life and we marvel at how talented, gifted and loved they each were.
The story of their life is so skillfully woven that when it comes to recounting their death, the tragedy of their loss hits us in a very personal way.
The circumstances surrounding each death are explored without glamorising or sensationalising them. We become aware of different elements in their lives that may have contributed to their death.
The viewer is encouraged not to jump to conclusions as to the cause of their death, but to keep an open mind.
We learn something important from these stories; we see that a young person in crisis is a young person who needs some kind of support in the early stages of a crisis; we appreciate more how important it is for young people, particularly young men, to feel that they have something valuable, important or worthwhile to give, so that they experience a sense of belonging.
We realise how families need and deserve support if they are to be able to hold and carry their son or daughter through a crisis.
Above all, we remember how vital it is to talk to one another. As one of the bereaved fathers said, “When you do talk, when you do communicate, things seem a lot calmer.”
Perhaps what emerges most strongly from this series is that everyone loses something when there is a suicide. One woman described her son’s suicide as “the shock that doesn’t allow you to cry”.
While a person in the grip of despair may feel they are a burden to others – a burden from which their families would be released in the event of their death – the profound heartbreak felt among the family members in this series tells a very different story.
The director invited a small group, including myself, to a screening of the first two episodes. He asked for our feedback in respect to how he had portrayed this sensitive subject. We all felt that his work honoured the best guidelines available in relation to reporting suicide.
Each person, especially the deceased, was portrayed with the utmost dignity and respect.
But these stories, without any embellishment or technical effects, are in themselves powerful. I found the experience of watching each episode emotionally challenging and quite harrowing. I felt myself drawn into the lives of these remarkable people and I felt deeply for each of them.
Viewers who have themselves been bereaved by suicide will certainly resonate with the content. My one caution would be that someone close to grief should watch the programme with someone with whom they can share their reactions.
Suicide is a painful reality in our country, but the evidence is that we can reduce its occurrence, especially among our young men. Suicide is less an issue about death as it is an issue about pain, and the inability to see beyond that pain.
We will reduce suicide when we create better ways for people in crisis to access support to allow them to discover other ways of dealing with their pain.
At the core of suicide is a feeling of hopelessness. The antidote for this is hope. The value of this series lies in its potential to restore our collective sense of hope. It can wake us up to how deeply inter-connected our lives really are. And it is that feeling of being connected and belonging in our communities that inspires hope.
Tony Bates is founding director of Headstrong – The National Centre for Youth Mental Health.
I see a darkness will be broadcast in three episodes on RTÉ One at 9.30pm on March 9th, 16th and 23rd
The organisation Console provides bereavement counselling for those who have been affected by suicide. Helpline: 1800-201890; website: console.ie
