Dear Raymond,
About this 007 thing. Look, I've got nothing against Bond. The real one. Connery's Bond, Moore's Bond. Proper old-fashioned heman Bonds. Bonds stalked and seduced by bombshell bimbettes with brains (who cleverly knew when to hide the brains behind the libido). Bonds threatened with extinction but hanging on to life, limb and the pursuit of liberty by a deliciously implausible ruse care of the deliciously implausible Q.
I fancied that Bond. But times change and sadly, so has he. Now it's the all-action Irony Man and it just doesn't work. Bond is supposed to be a disgusting flirt. He's supposed to be beaten senseless and come up looking like Adonis. And he's supposed to fight the Evil Commies who want to take over the world.
Sadly, there aren't any left. No more heroes any more. We got feminism and anti-racism and the Iron Curtain was long ago ripped down and made into cute little outfits. Bond is meant to be a gorgeous, sexist git. And he's not supposed to know we don't like that any more. Action Man is cool and very funny - Irony Man just doesn't cut it. Give the guy a break, leave the grenades and kick-boxing to the Spice Girls (who haven't discovered irony yet) and let him go home. He could probably do with a rest,
Stella
Dear Stella,
James Bond has not "changed" from an Action Man to an Irony Man. He has always been ironic. Even when the late Ian Fleming was penning the novels in the 1950s, his hero was ironically anachronistic. Britain was struggling to emerge from the hardships brought about by the postwar years. Whoever thought that a sardonic but super-suave secret agent with a penchant for vodka Martinis, elegant meals and beautiful, liberated women would become one of the 20th century's most enduring cultural icons?
Let's not forget that he has the "licence to kill", a "privilege" as it were, both literally and symbolically for a Brit to stand up to the rest of the world and show everyone who is boss. Today, Bond is still anachronistic, but that's what makes him so sexy.
The millions at the cinema and constant activity on the various 007 Internet sites prove that there are still plenty of hot-blooded males around the world who want to be Bond.
And, apparently, there are still plenty of women who would throw it all away to romp through exotic locations with a dark, handsome stranger. (Ian Fleming's heroines were always liberated - they just didn't know it at the time.) The "Evil Commies" may not be around anymore, but the baddies are still there. They are simply known by different names. There are some 007 fans who believe that eventually their hero should be frozen in time, i.e. made permanently a Cold War-era character. But for now, Bond is right at home, sticking out appropriately like a sore thumb - a man of action and irony - showing us all how to be sexy, tough, sophisticated, and cool as hell in a world where heroes are always welcome.
Yours in Bondage,
Raymond
Dear Raymond,
Yes, there are plenty of hotblooded males out there wanting to be Bond. And even more women wanting to bed him. What the hero-hunters are really involved with, though, is the myth of Bond, not the new pseudoBond. The special effects are fine, the fantastic bodies are still delicious. But the guy himself just isn't special anymore.
All heroes have their carefully placed undercutting line - Sigourney Weaver's Ripley is an all-action sex goddess with a great line in ironic put-downs, Arnie's long been in on the irony game, even Xena, Warrior Princess, knows when to raise an eyebrow. And at least the truly modern heroes have the grace not to do their job with the aid of 19 tons of carefully orchestrated product placement. Yes, I know Fleming had his Mrs Stuyvesant in Live And Let Die and Tiffany Case in Dia- monds Are Forever. What he didn't do was limit the entire concept to an extended advertisement for the watch, the mobile phone, the car. It was product placement, not product promotion.
You say that Fleming's liberated heroines just didn't know it at the time.
Maybe it's time 007 was told that with a formula overtaken by almost every action movie in the genre, what he's really lacking is a licence to thrill.
Yours with a raised eyebrow and a bikini tan,
Stella
Dear Stella,
True, there is a lot of product placement going on, not only in the Bond films, but also in almost every major Hollywood blockbuster. Fortunately, the product placement in the new 007 film, Tomorrow Never Dies, is integrated neatly into the storyline.
You must not forget that Fleming himself was one of the first authors to place products in his books - the Rolex watch, the Sea Island cotton shirts, the Dunhill lighter, the Walther PPK. James Bond likes to surround himself with items he can call his. Part of the fun of being a Bond fan is all the trivia that goes with it! I don't think Bond is lost among the other action heroes. All the Arnolds and Bruces and even Jackie Chans have their little niches, but 007 has carved out a unique one for himself. There aren't many other heroes who are educated, sexy, tough, sophisticated and British. He's the only one I know who has survived more than 30 novels and 18 screen adaptations. Face it - James Bond is about as archetypal as a fictional character can get. He's St George in a Brioni suit fighting a dragon in an Armani one. The products and props are things that we, as an audience, can identify with. And this is why he is still with us.
Eyeing that bikini tan,
Raymond
Dear Raymond,
Bond's niche? Well carved, well placed and well out of date. Yes there have been attempts to change - the wicked replacement of Moneypenny by a younger version, the casting of Judi Dench as M. But surrounding Bond with great talent can't hide the problem.
You can bring feminism to the Service, sympathy to the baddies and even political correctness to the chicks, but Bond simply doesn't belong in the pre-millennium. Every hero must have his fatal flaw, 007's is his sell-by date. He was gorgeous and charming, but we need more from our superheroes now.
We want them not to remind us of the past but to lead us into the new. Bond did a great job of getting us through the postwar era, now it's time for him to stand aside and let the new kids take over.
Where Blofeld and Scaramanga and Goldfinger failed, time has won. Bond belongs in Madame Tussaud's waxworks museum as an icon of what was. He is not part of what will be. Bond's lived enough - it's time to let him die.
Polishing up my scuba-diving gear,
Stella
Dear Stella,
Sorry, your argument isn't very convincing. After reading between the lines I strongly suspect that, deep down, you are indeed a Bond fan and would no more like him to disappear than you would the man in the moon. I get the feeling that you are really a closet Bond-woman, just dying to rip off her skintight scuba suit and fall into bed with James (the Connery version, I suspect, but I don't think there are too many women today who would have a problem sharing a bed with Pierce).
As for letting the "new kids" take over, I'm afraid I wouldn't put my trust in any of them. All of your Arnolds and Bruces and Harrisons and Sigourneys owe allegiance to the original action hero - the one who started it all and remains on top of the charts. You can't argue with success and worldwide fame.
Come on, Stella. Relax. Put on a slinky nightgown, turn down the lights and make us some Martinis (shaken, not stirred!). Then let's watch a 007 flick together, whether it's Sean or Pierce. l'll bet we'll enjoy ourselves.
With best wishes,
Raymond