Disillusioned over the lack of legal recognition in Ireland for same-sex relationships, many couples are getting married abroad, writes Carl O'Brien, Social Affairs Correspondent
For their wedding day, Brian Hayes and his partner David Bowman chose to get married on the scenic shore of Okanagan Lake in southwestern Canada, surrounded by dozens of family and friends.
Their wedding album captures a memorable day of radiant smiles, warm sunshine and giddy optimism.
"Everyone there understood how important it was for us to get married and make our love for each other official and recognised before the law," says Hayes (38), a software consultant from Shankill, Co Dublin.
"A lot of people travelled a long way for it, which was very touching. My family and friends were very supportive. We wanted to be like other opposite couples, with the same rights before the law."
Two years later, now based in Dublin, they are still as hopeful as ever about their future. But, every so often, there is a fresh bucket of cold water to remind them of how far they have to go before they are treated like other couples in the eyes of the law.
Despite promises of legislation, there is no recognition of civil partnership or marriage for same-sex couples in Ireland. While the Government says it will publish the scheme of a civil partnership bill later this year, it could take years before it is introduced.
Various forms of civil partnership for same-sex couples have been available in most EU countries for some time now, while gay marriage is legal in Holland, Belgium and Spain.
The delay in addressing the issue here has prompted dozens of gay couples in Ireland to travel to the UK, Canada and other jurisdictions to avail of legal recognition of their relationships, even if they don't have any legal standing at home.
Many insist the campaign for relationship rights is not just an abstract issue of human rights or equality. It is an issue that leads to separation and loss of couples and impacts daily on the gay community.
Hayes and Bowman are a case in point. Because same-sex couples are not recognised as families in immigration law, Bowman (36), a US citizen from Seattle, has no right to reside in the Republic.
For now, he is here on a work permit, employed in the field of corporate events administration, while he seeks to get a more secure form of legal status.
This legal uncertainly means the couple can't get approved for a mortgage, as Bowman is deemed to be living here on a temporary basis.
And they can't avail of any of the taxation or welfare benefits aimed at those in marital relationships.
"This isn't a theoretical issue," says Hayes. "These are major practical problems which we want to get sorted. I don't want to sound like I'm jumping onto the moral high ground, but I do feel like a second-class citizen in my own country."
THERE ARE REGULAR jolting reminders of the twilight world in which they live, sometimes in the most surprising of quarters. Recently Bowman was admitted to hospital for treatment. When Hayes went to visit his husband in hospital, he found that administrators would only register him as a "friend".
"Luckily, it wasn't a life-threatening situation. But he had no right to make any decision for me, if it had come to that. And to be labelled as a 'friend' is just insulting," says Bowman.
But the biggest issue which affects them is the uncertainly about Bowman's legal status in the country. The couple have been lobbying politicians, Minister for Justice, Equality and Law Reform Brian Lenihan and anyone else who can help to try to resolve the situation.
Under European law, the State allows for the entry and residence of same-sex EU citizens and their non-EU partners who are in a relationship together and already resident in the EU. Yet, as a result of a glaring anomaly, there is no provision in immigration regulations for a non-EU partner to live in Ireland with their Irish partner.
"We've had lots of run-ins with the various Government departments and constituency meetings with the Minister for Justice, but we still don't have any permanent resolution to this," says Hayes.
"We were verbally told by an official in the Department that the Minister was inclined to grant the relevant stamp, without making it a precedent. That's the last we heard. Any progress we do make is only ever done very begrudgingly."
THE DEPARTMENT OF Justice says the introduction of a civil-partnership system is a priority and that the scheme of a bill could be ready by April of this year.
Brian Lenihan has ruled out marriage for gay couples, insisting such a move would require a divisive referendum, and says instead that equality for same-sex couples can be achieved through a partnership scheme.
This would allow couples to formalise their relationships, undertake mutual rights and obligations, obtain legal protection for their relationships and avail of legal benefits and protection.
It will also include a package of measures in relation to tax, pensions, benefits and property, according to Lenihan.
The continuing battle for relationship rights faced by Hayes and Bowman contrasts sharply with the support they have had from friends, co-workers and neighbours since moving to Ireland from the US.
"Most people are gobsmacked when they realise that this is an issue - they genuinely don't realise it is such a big problem," says Bowman. "Mostly, people are dumbfounded at what we have to go through. No one has been remotely hostile to us. Some people might be surprised at how open we are about our sexuality and our relationship and don't know how to react. It's only in interfacing with the government that there has been a problem."
However, the slow pace of legal change and uncertainty over Bowman's residency status makes them question whether their long-term future remains in Ireland.
"I love this country and have wonderful friends, but when you're constantly put up against this, it makes me question my commitment to the country. If after all this time you're not really getting anywhere, it is very heart-breaking."
Hayes accepts that while public opinion may be divided on gay marriage, he insists that no one has anything to lose from introducing greater legal recognition for gay couples in loving relationships.
"The most simple thing to do is extend marriage to gay couples," he says. "The idea that it would be unconstitutional is a little spurious. I don't see how such a move could be regarded as an attack on marriage. At the end of the day, all we're looking for is an equivalence of rights with other married couples. What's so wrong about that?"