Lull in dailyDáil battles for Stupor Tuesday

It was nice to get away to the Dáil yesterday and escape from politics for a while.

It was nice to get away to the Dáil yesterday and escape from politics for a while.

With what seems like half the hacks and commentators in the country under the impression they've joined the cast of The West Wing, any respite from the blanket coverage of the American primaries and caucuses was welcome.

While our homegrown political animals couldn't resist introducing the US's Super Tuesday into some of their exchanges, it was more like Stupor Tuesday in Leinster House.

The chamber enjoyed a lull in the ongoing battle over the Taoiseach's personal finances and tax issues, with Opposition leaders happy in the knowledge that he'll be back in the tribunal witness box before the end of the month.

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Enda Kenny focused on the economy. The Fine Gael leader had a new phrase, which he repeated a number of times because he liked it so much.

"People's lives don't lie. They can smell the change on the streets," he drawled through gritted teeth, sounding like Castlebar's answer to Philip Marlowe.

Unemployment levels are rising and the economy is sinking, and the Taoiseach keeps saying that everything in the garden is rosy. Bertie, who lives beside the Botanic Gardens and is a noted authority on the hanging basket, was not going to be lectured by Enda on his grasp of matters horticultural.

"I don't think, anywhere, did I say 'all's rosy in the garden'.

As any gardener will tell you, pruning is the order of the day at this time of year. In terms of the national finances, this means "we have to manage our difficulty". This is a significant shift in the language of recent years, when all the talk from Bertie was about "managing the boom". Nonetheless, noted the Taoiseach, we are still talking about a growth of 3 per cent, while a "modest increase" in employment levels is expected.

But Enda's nostrils were still twitching. "People's lives don't lie. They can smell the change on the streets." There are "oceans of cash" out there to be invested in this country, argued Enda, but companies don't want to invest here because the broadband infrastructure isn't there. Fine Gael is big into broadband - the indanet - and recently launched a policy document about its development. Things look bad. "What are you going to do to lead us out of the crisis?" demanded the Opposition leader.

Bertie threw his eyes up to heaven and sighed. "I've been doing that very successfully for the last 10 years." As for the new technology, we have companies such as Google, Apple and Dell voting confidence in the country.

"I'll show you the figures!" shouted Enda.

But roses still bloom in the IT sector, as far as the Taoiseach is concerned. Not in Longford, harrumphed FG deputy James Breen. At best, the broadband service in the county is "very patchy". His colleague Seymour Crawford bellowed that broadband in Cavan is almost non-existent. Again, Bertie sighed. "We'll talk about Cavan another day. We're talking about the Republic of Ireland today."

Labour leader Eamon Gilmore noted one area where Irish exports are thriving: our criminals are going abroad to shoot each other. Serious crime figures are rising and the murder level is at its worst since the Civil War. Bertie reeled off statistics, in a wide ranging reply that went from gangland violence to road traffic offices to domestic violence. Anyway, it's the technology. The criminals change their mobile phones every day, said Bertie.

Garda numbers are increasing, though. "There is an enormous amount of gardaí now coming out of Portlaoise," he pointed out, failing to mention why they had been inside in the first place.

Inevitably, talk turned to Super Tuesday. "I was going to ask the Taoiseach if himself and Tony had sent out a DVD to help Senator Clinton in respect of the Super Tuesday," wondered Enda, remembering those helpful testimonials provided for him by Messrs Blair and Clinton during the general election.

"Senator McCain is a good friend too," smiled back Bertie.

"Always a man for both sides" retorted Enda.

"And Obama is from Kilkenny," shot back Bertie, demonstrating that his grasp of geography is way up there with his grasp of the English language.