Q. Why is Paris going to be the best place to be for the millennium?
A. Because Paris is the best place to be for most things, you'll find (and we're not just talking poncy museums here).
The French have a love of grands projects and, emboldened by their most successful staging of the World Cup last year, they have unveiled a glittering array of projects and events for the end of the year.
Unfortunately they couldn't overcome the first (and really rather logical) barrier: the natural insouciance of the people, particularly in the capital.
At various different times, the Parisian authorities announced that their millennium plans included putting loads of glittery fish in the river Seine (I kid you not); planting a tree in the Bois de Boulogne for every Parisian; and the building of a massive new wooden tower in the east of the city to rival the Eiffel tour.
All three of these proposals were greeted by that most unlovely habit Parisians have of expressing bored disgust: expelling air from their cheeks.
The proposals have now been shelved and after the organisers waved their arms about for a few days casting aspersions on the "taste" of the general population, they went back to the drawing board.
In keeping with the democratically-expressed mood of indifference, the city's mayor, Jean Tiberi, has announced, in a rather underwhelming way, that instead of constructing an enormously expensive (and temporary) dome or such like, "the year 2000 should be a time for long-term reflection on what the city should become". Cheaper for a start, Mr Tiberi.
However, over the last few months, a competitive edge has spurred the French into action. After Tony Blair announced that London would be the "millennium capital of Europe", the French have swallowed their anti-millennium pride and now plan to put on a show which will eclipse anything that les rosbifs are capable of.
The president of Paris 2000 (the group organising the millennium activities), Yves Morousi, says: "The city should take its part in the international competition which the year 2000 has created between the capitals of the world."
Paris, it seems, will now have a millennium ferris wheel which will be "bigger and better" than London's millennium wheel in Greenwich, and the designer of the project has said that "if necessary, we will go just one metre higher" to beat their 500 ft London rival.
The centrepiece of the celebrations will be the Eiffel tour, which will be turned into a sort of high-tech chicken on December 31st. An enormous egg will descend out of the belly of the tower to the sound of 200 drums from five continents and at midnight the egg will crack open to reveal hundreds of television screens relaying images of millennium parties from around the globe.
Other plans include the conversion of the Place de la Concorde into a giant sundial using the Egyptian obelisk at its centre as a pointer, and turning the Place de l'Etoile into a giant clock.
Not everyone is happy with the plans: an editorial in Le Figaro described the chicken and egg Eiffel tour idea as "quite ridiculous".
