Peter Brennan's book launch; Charlie O'Connor's surprise; Eamon Ryan's bikes; Brian Hayes's motion on teachers; Eamon meets Ann; the dog ring; Gerry Hickey's farewell; press secretary's denials
Being blinded by a shining white light from a levitating Pee
WHERE WOULD we be without Pee? Barefoot, and without an arse in our trousers, it seems. Ireland owes a lot to Padraig Flynn, former EU commissioner and government minister, tribunal witness extraordinaire, successful artist, renowned brass neck and father of deputy Bev.
(And going by some of his evidence at Dublin Castle, he owes a lot to Ireland.)
Whatever people think of him, Padraig has done more than his bit to shape Irish history. His comments on the Late Late Show in 1999 so riled retired property developer Tom Gilmartin that he decided to give evidence to the Mahon tribunal. Those unwitting remarks ultimately brought about the premature end of Bertie Ahern's glittering career.
Had Pee not shot his mouth off, Tom would have stayed in Luton, details of Bertie's financial arrangements would not have become public and Brian Cowen wouldn't be Taoiseach today. But there's more.
On Wednesday night, at a book launch in Dublin, Pee was credited with securing the low corporate tax rate that has been the bedrock of the nation's economic success. Fine Gael has long claimed the credit for the initiative, saying the rate was brought in by the 1994-97 rainbow government.
At the time, there was fierce resistance to the move in Europe. Then, as now, our neighbours were not happy with Ireland gaining such a significant tax advantage.
It was EU Commissioner Pee Flynn who delivered the vital EU clearance for the 12.5 per cent corporation tax rate. Peter Brennan, Ibec's long-time representative in Brussels, went out of his way to make this point during the launch of his book Behind Closed Doors: The EU Negotiations that Shaped Modern Ireland. As he thanked the former Fianna Fáil deputy for Mayo for his excellent work on behalf of the nation, guests were temporarily blinded by a shining white light. It was the glow emanating from a gently levitating Pee, who nearly burst with joy at the mention.
A view of mortality
Fianna Fáil backbencher Charlie O'Connor had intimations of his own mortality when he read an article in the Tallaght Echo about a local landmark, "The Charlie O'Connor Bridge". He wrote in and put the record straight, pointing out that the bridge, built in 1979, was named after the late Charlie O'Toole, a community activist in the area.
"I am glad to confirm that I am alive and well," he said. Great news for party colleague and constituency rival, Conor Lenihan.
Two wheels won't do
Much rejoicing among the Adelaide Road mandarins in Eamon Ryan's Department of Communications, Energy and Natural Resources. Ryan, ever mindful of reducing carbon footprints, has authorised the purchase of half a dozen or so shiny new bicycles, which his officials will be able to use while attending appointments around town.
It has been noted with glee in certain circles that nobody is using the bikes. Eamon's civil servants don't appear to share his "two wheels good, four wheels bad" approach to transport.
It seems that while the mandarins are itching to exercise their inner Eddy Merckx, issues of "health and safety" have arisen. No doubt when these are resolved (and nobody comes up with more excuses), officials will be able to cycle to their hearts' content, with no hands on the handlebars, just like their boss.
Chill out. It's a joke
Just had a thought. How do you know there's been a Green elephant in your fridge? Carbon footprints in the butter . . .
Sense isn't common
A very clever Dáil motion this week from Brian Hayes, Fine Gael spokesman on education, seeking to prevent a large number of named primary schools around the country from losing a teacher this year. The schools concerned take in a wide range of constituencies, and a very wide range of local newspapers and radio stations. There will have been a lot of mileage gained by Opposition deputies this weekend, pointing out who did and who didn't vote to keep a teacher in the local school.
Fine Gael veteran PJ Sheehan flew the flag for the children of southwest Cork in Tuesday night's debate, lambasting the new Minister for Education, Batt O'Keeffe, who holds sway in the neighbouring constituency of Cork North West. "If the Minister cannot find the money to fund these 40 teachers, then he is falling at the first hurdle, and I don't see a bright future for him or education," said PJ, reminding Batt what happened to his predecessor, Mary Hanafin.
"He might be transferred to the Department of Social and Family Affairs after the local elections. I remind him of the epitaph: 'Once I wasn't. Then I was. Now I ain't again'. The Minister shouldn't let this be his epitaph. If the deputies opposite vote down this motion and force the schools in Bantry and Schull to sack a teacher, then I will have to agree with Voltaire that common sense is not so common." Wise words, from the Sage of Goleen.
No dessert, it's the NCA
"Met the Fokkers." It may sound like a movie sequel, but it happened to the Labour leader this week. With a slight variation in spelling.
Eamon Gilmore met the "f*****s", or more accurately, he bumped into them when he went out for a bite to eat with some Labour staffers the other night.
Deputy Gilmore had just sat down in Il Bacarro restaurant in Meeting House Square when Ann Fitzgerald of the National Consumer Agency walked in.
Under-fire Ann has been in Eamon's sights recently, since he expressed his disappointment at the NCA's response to spiralling food prices. His ventilation of the issue in the Dáil needled Brian Cowen so much that he was heard referring to members of the NCA as "f*****s" when he thought the microphones were off.
Hostilities were suspended in the restaurant as Eamon told Ann: "There's no need to worry about us getting value for money here tonight - everybody's under orders not to order dessert!" The encounter resulted in Gilmore and Fitzgerald agreeing to meet more formally. His people are talking to her people.
Get in with the dogs
The day he was elected Taoiseach was a very special day for Brian Cowen. It was the day The Grand Alliance Syndicate - of which he is a founder member - bought its new horse.
The alliance is Leinster House's oldest and most exclusive racing syndicate. With members drawn from Fianna Fáil, Fine Gael and the PDs, the cross-party students of the turf were very successful with their first horse, Arctic Copper. He's now retired from top class racing. Their second horse, Arctic Moon, wasn't so successful and had to be retired due to tendon problems.
They have high hopes for their latest acquisition, a four-year-old National Hunt horse in training with Noel Meade in Meath. He cost the syndicate about €25,000.
The Grand Alliance started out with 17 members, with racing colours reflecting their political allegiances. Green for Fianna Fáil, blue for Fine Gael and an orange tassel on the cap in deference to Dessie O'Malley, the sole PD representative.
Now, following retirements, 12 active members remain. Dessie is among the drop-outs, but it has been decided to hold on to the orange tassel in his honour. The remaining members included retired politicians Maurice Manning, GV Wright and Noel Davern, while the serving ranks include Sean Barrett (FG), Jim McDaid (FF) and the Taoiseach. Word that vacancies might exist in the syndicate spread among ambitious FF backbenchers recently. Many inquired about whether they "could join Cowen's syndicate". But membership is closed.
Maybe they could try the Oireachtas greyhound syndicate. Their star dog was Lotto Princess. She won a lot of races, and is now busy producing pups for her political masters, none of which have been any good.
For more information on the dog ring, deputies could contact one of the founding members, a Mr B Cowen, Taoiseach.
Bertie and the Castle
What is it about Dublin Castle that attracts Fianna Fáilers? On Thursday, Bertie Ahern's long time programme manager, Gerry Hickey, is hosting a farewell bash in the castle to mark his time at the top.
For over a decade, Corkman Gerry was the highest paid spin doctor in the country and one of the most influential figures in the Ahern administration. The reception on Thursday has been a closely guarded secret around Leinster House and Government Buildings, and it is expected that Bertie Ahern will pop in. Maybe Bertie should stick around after his day in the Mahon tribunal witness box - he'll only have to walk across the courtyard to Gerry's gig. Come to think of it, if he stays the night he can walk back across for his appearance on Friday.
Cowen's man staying
Government Press Secretary Eoghan Ó Neachtain is blue in the face denying rumours that he's about to abandon Brian Cowen to become the new PRO of the GAA.
"It's been doing the rounds for months, but I haven't had any approach from the organisation," says former Defence Forces press officer Eoghan, who stresses he has no intention of turning his back on Biffo. "As an ex-Army man, I place as much store by loyalty as the man I work for." The rumour first started in April, when the position was advertised. GAA spokesman Danny Lynch retires in September after 20 years' service.
Ó Neachtain's name began to surface as he seems to possess all the right credentials for the job - successful background in PR, experience in a hierarchical organisation, political inside knowledge, love of sport, prior consultancy work with the GAA and a fluent Irish speaker.
He quashed the rumours, but with final interviews taking place at the moment, he became the subject of more speculation.
Danny Lynch had his own experience of dealing with a taoiseach before he took the job. As press officer with the OPW in the 1980s, he became involved in Charlie Haughey's plan to send an American Bald Eagle home after it had blown off course and ended up in Kerry. The emaciated young eagle was nursed back to health in Kerry, and CJH made a big deal of handing it back to the Yanks. He planned a ceremonial send-off for the bird at Shannon airport.
PJ Mara gave Haughey instructions. He was not to make any sudden movements, frighten or distract the huge eagle when it was removed from its cage for the ceremony. He was not to say very much, as the bird was so heavy its handler could only hold it for about half a minute.
Unfortunately, recalls Danny, Charlie had a row with PJ and ignored his instructions.
He launched into a long soliloquy and ended up calling for a "bualadh bos" for the bird. Naturally, the eagle became alarmed. It made an unmerciful lunge for Haughey's nose and tried to take a lump out of it.
Charlie made the front pages all around the world the next day. Danny turned to PJ. "Jesus Chrisht, what went wrong PJ?" "Serves the effer right!" came the reply.