Just when it seemed there were no more domestic violence taboos left, another emerges. Increasingly women are being battered by sons, some to the point of having barring orders taken out against them. One refuge worker recounts a case where a woman's husband "sat back" while their son abused her; a court in Listowel, Co Kerry, heard recently how the mother of a man who had breached a barring order was "scared out of her life" of her son, who had a drink problem.
The extent of physical or emotional violence by adolescent or adult sons against their mothers is becoming visible now as a result of the Domestic Violence Act 1996, which gave such victims a civil remedy for the first time.
Although in only 1 per cent of the 6,532 calls made to the Women's Aid National Freefone Helpline in 1996, the abusers were sons, the organisation says this is still a high figure given that many women would have great difficulty disclosing abuse by their own flesh and blood.
The Domestic Violence Act allowed parents for the first time to take barring, protection or safety orders against their adult children who lived with them. A barring order can be used to exclude a violent child from the family home, while a safety order allows them to remain there, but prevents them from threatening or using violence against their mother. A protection order is usually an interim step to securing a barring order.
The law, which was widened to include co-habitees and people in same-sex relationships, does not, however, include children under 18. A mother abused by a younger child, as is happening in some cases, cannot have them barred from her home.
The most recent figures show parents are availing of these new remedies in substantial numbers. About 170 of the 2,145 barring orders granted in the year ending last July were to parents, according to provisional figures from the Department of Justice.
The type of abuse sons inflict on mothers includes physical violence as well as shouting, cursing, refusing to pull their weight in the house, not paying money for household bills or stealing.
The son may be mimicking his abusive father's behaviour: striking out because he has lost respect for his mother having seen her used as a punchbag for years, getting retribution for the break-up of the family, or venting personal frustration on an elderly mother he resents having to care for.
In some cases the perpetrator is an adult who's been ejected from his own marital home and returns to live with his elderly mother, whom he then begins to abuse.
The emotions the woman faces run the gamut from shock and fear to guilt and shame.
"There's a lot of disbelief about it as well: that the woman has got out of one relationship with her husband and then her son starts abusing her," says Ms Una McGuill, from Women's Aid in Dundalk, Co Louth, which has recorded an increase in the numbers of women contacting it who are being abused by their sons.
"She's usually in a state of shock and confused. There's huge guilt around it. The dynamic between the woman and her son is not the same as with a couple in an intimate relationship."
A spokeswoman with the Clare Haven House Project in Ennis, Co Clare, says a small number of women had visited the project over the past year whose sons were abusing them.
"He could be 15, 16 or 17 and you couldn't take a barring order against him, yet he is still twice the size of the mother and could be terrifying her. It's more difficult for a mother to turn around and take a barring order out against her son because the emotional ties are stronger.
"If a woman has come through a lot of abuse and has finally got the court order or barring order against her husband she is so down and broken anyway: to have to turn around and face the teenage son as well is very, very difficult."
Women might also be tempted to break the barring order to allow a son return home to try and make another go of the relationship. While in some ways it's straightforward enough to write off a husband or partner as a bad lot, women can find it very difficult to write off their own child. Ms Colette Garvey O'Doherty, from the women's refuge, ADAPT Kerry, says that although the numbers are still small, abuse of mothers by their sons is "coming to the fore". Though the Domestic Violence Act was "mould-breaking", ongoing information was needed to provide victims with their legal options.
Next month, ADAPT Kerry will distribute copies of an information booklet on domestic violence to every house in the county in an effort to increase public awareness of the services available.
The solicitor in charge of the Law Centre in Kerry, Ms Carol Anne Coolican, says it has had inquiries from mothers whose sons are abusing them since the 1996 law. Between 10 and 20 per cent of cases of parent abuse which the centre gives advice on end up in court, she adds.
"Some people would be aware of the law, but victims of domestic violence need to hear the message over and over again because it's only at certain points that they are strong enough to take the first step.
"It's a bit like divorce. In a rural area people don't want to be the first to get a divorce. It is now more accepted that marriages break down and people get divorces or bar their husbands, but it is a quantum leap to bar a child," says Ms Coolican.
Ms Margaret Costello, the co-ordinator of the National Network of Women's Refuges and Support Services, believes there is a lack of consistency in the way such cases are treated by the gardai.
"If somebody is that abusive in their home and is barred and there are no other interventions or treatment, then how is the behaviour ever going to change? Will those men just go home to their family of origin and assault their mothers or will they set up a new relationship?
"You just wonder what is going to break the cycle if there's no challenge to their behaviour and no sanctions . . . If a man assaults a stranger on the street there would be consequences, but if he goes home and beats his mother or wife, there's not."
Women's refuge workers and health-care professionals say boys as young as 13 have carried out this type of abuse.