Writers seeking plot twists for TV soaps could do worse than read the local newspapers.
The Nationalist and Leinster Times said the Garda was investigating an "inappropriate incident" involving a senior male nurse and a female patient at St Dympna's Hospital in Carlow. The Waterford News & Star reported that a woman who "slapped a 16-year-old girl in the face after being verbally abused by her" had an assault charge against her dismissed at Waterford District Court when Judge William Harnett ruled that "she had been provoked by the youth who called her `a whore and a slapper'."
Judge Harnett remarked that society was in "a transitory state" when what was once "slapping a cheeky youngster" was now considered an assault.
"Judge rebukes pensioner for love obsession," said the Corkman. "A Castletownroche woman suffered great stress from a series of love letters and telephone calls she received from a 72-year-old married man who `took a shine' to her after meeting her at a card drive, Fermoy District Court heard this week."
The Sligo Champion said "hypocrites" and "elitists" were behind Sligo Borough Council's decision not to sell land to Focus Ireland, a social housing organisation. In an editorial comment on the Combat Poverty Agency's annual report and the UN's Human Development Report, the newspaper said that "while many have prospered in this golden economic age, the unpalatable fact remains that many more have not.
"Far from raising standards generally, the Celtic Tiger phenomenon is now producing a two-tier society where, side by side with conspicuous and pretentious wealth, is to be found growing poverty and deprivation."
"There are sections of our society that are sick to the teeth of the Celtic Tiger," said the Nationalist and Leinster Times. "To the rest of the world we are shining lights in terms of running the country. Yet there are still hundreds of thousands of people without jobs . . .
"Looking to the future and the new millennium, we have to now pave the way for the next generation of Irish people to be able to take their places among the peoples of the Earth with pride, coming from a country that looks after its people well.
"But do we?"
While we regularly pat ourselves on the back about having "the best education system in the world", the reality is that "it could be a lot better", added the Times.
Among OECD countries, the Republic's primary school system is trailing behind with only Turkey, Mexico and Korea in a worse position. "Not exactly inspiring company for a nation priding itself on rearing a Celtic Tiger, is it?"
The Leinster Leader profiled a primary school which has "one teacher to deal with eight classes" and stated that "angry parents have threatened to pull their children from schools in south Kildare in protest at the growing crisis over pupil-teacher ratios in the primary sector".
The Westmeath Examiner reported a "chronic" shortage of primary teachers in Westmeath and repeated "tales of incredible expediency measures". Curraghmore National School is an old-style, two-room school with two prefabs which has 96 pupils and four teachers. "Without parents' funding, the level of education for children would be insufficient," said Mr Michael Molloy, the school principal.
The west's newspapers covered the report on population by the Tuam Diocese, Quo Vadimus . . . Where are we going?, a paper described in the Western People's editorial as "a timely and necessary litmus test at the grassroots of our society".
The Connaught Telegraph's page 1 comment said action was required now "for the sake of future generations", and it urged readers to "get out there and acquire a copy of this very important publication".
IT said: "We can delude ourselves that everything is all right because the figures show that places like Castlebar, Westport and parishes around Galway city are increasing. If cohesive action is not taken, we could, within less than a century, have a predominantly urban population with large tracts of the rural west denuded."
Adding to the population of rural districts isn't exactly being encouraged by State maternity policy. The Kerryman said that Kerry women covered by private health insurance were going to Cork to have their babies because it is "too painful for mothers to give birth in Kerry", where a "full epidural service not available".
A majority of county councillors are applying for what the Argus called the "golden shilling" and what the Kilkenny People called "the greatest clearout ever in local politics".
The Roscommon Herald sedately described the £15,000 incentive (rising to £25,000 after 40 years' service) as a "retirement deal".
"Scrappage deal" was the term used by the Western People to describe the Local Authority Members Gratuity Scheme (1998). The scheme is being widely regarded as "an insurance policy against any unfortunate event which might prevent them from being re-elected", according to an unnamed official of Mayo County Council.