DAUGHTERS AND nieces provide the closest family relationships for old men living alone, the Senior Helpline conference heard.
Dr Kate Davidson of the Centre for Research on Ageing at the University of Surrey said loneliness was the biggest problem facing older men living alone.
Men were in a minority in older age and men living alone were even fewer in number. “To some extent, they have actually become invisible,” she said.
Her study of old men living alone found that they were not always “uncontrollably lonely” but they all felt lonely at times.
Drawing the curtains at 4pm on a winter’s evening could be a very lonely time for some men, she said.
Unlike women, men did not make many new friends late in life, so when their friends died, they found themselves alone.
“We found that their closest family relationships would be their daughters, but a third of our men didn’t have children, let alone have daughters,” she said.
Nieces, particularly their sisters’ daughters, also provided close family relationships.
Dr Davidson said people should “nag and drag” men to use services such as day centres because men were incapable of asking for help. “It’s not a fault, it’s a fact,” she said. Old people were the most ageist people she knew and they complained about spending time with other old people because they felt younger.
Men believed that in day centres, “all they do is talk about soaps and play bingo and I don’t want to be around all these bossy old women who tell me where to sit”.
Dr Davidson’s research found that retaining their independence was the single-most important thing for older men living alone.
Transport was another crucial issue. Companionship with women was also important, as were issues such as a warm home and being financially comfortable.
The conference also heard criticism of the means-testing system from older people. Dr Davidson referred to the medical card controversy and said there was a lot of anger from older people about having to fill in 28-page forms to get services.
“It’s about somebody knowing how much you’ve got and where you’ve got it and it’s none of their business. Why should I, who have worked hard all my life and been thrifty and put stuff away, suddenly be penalised by having to put that in this impenetrable form?” she said, receiving a loud cheer from the audience.
“People are very private. They’d rather tell you their age than tell you how much they’ve got.”
