THE IRISH official ran into the auditorium just as his colleagues were wrapping up their afternoon briefing. "It's done!" he shouted. "The baby is born. It's a complete Ecofin bastard."
"Ecofin" is the Council of Economic and Finance Ministers. And the baby was, of course, the Monetary Stability Pact, whose delivery kept finance ministers up until 4 a.m. yesterday morning, then brought them back for more labour pains after a few hours sleep.
Both France and Germany, whose opposing stands had polarised the debate, claimed victory. The path was clear to monetary union in 1999.
The mood at the summit was instantly transformed. Irish officials talked about "the Christmas star over Dublin" and joked about changing the currency name, euro, to "Noel".
The President, Mrs Robinson, had just hosted an elegant lunch at the Royal Hospital, Kilmainham. Wearing a stunning ballroom blue coatdress ensemble, Mrs Robinson stood beneath a portrait of King George III - the one who lost America and went mad to greet her distinguished guests.
Kilmainham was inspired by Les Invalides in Paris; the surroundings must have gone to President Jacques Chirac's head. When he bent to kiss Mrs Robinson's hand in a gallant baise main, his European partners gasped.
Considering the tension over the as yet unresolved Stability Pact, the lunch was surprisingly relaxed. Below the spectacular ceiling of the hospital's former chapel, Mrs Robinson treated her guests to cream of spinach soup, baked wild salmon in filo pastry, Irish cream mousse and a choice of Riesling, Santernay or Champagne wines. She and Mr Chirac chattered happily in French.
Across from Mrs Robinson, the Taoiseach enjoyed the company of EU Commission President Jacques Santer and Klaus Hansch, President of the European Parliament.
Last night, in the superb setting of the renovated National Gallery, the Taoiseach hosted the same lot to a feast of ballontine of chicken with basil mousse, roast rack of lamb with lemon and almond caponata, chocolate tart and orange creme a l'anglaise.
With the calories adding up faster than euros in the European Central Bank, one French minister had his bodyguard scouting Dublin for suitable jogging spots.
Poor Herve de Charette, the French Foreign Minister, must be the most unpopular man in Ireland at the moment after his comments on the Irish presidency's endeavours last week, interpreted in some quarters as negative.
To make matters worse, Mr de Charette managed to enrage the Americans as well as the Irish by allegedly walking out during a lunch held for departing US Secretary of State, Warren Christopher, in Brussels.
that the French press centre was deliberately placed at the furthest reaches of the Castle compound to "punish" them for de Charette's harsh comments about the IGC and the Irish draft treaty. That the British tent was placed in the same area did not reassure them.
French journalists (by their own admission a bunch prone to griping), complained that their tent was poorly heated, and that the cuisine was tastier in Florence last June.
The Austrians were given the most original press room: "Austrian briefing in Crypt" could be French officials even suggested read on the telemonitor at lunchtime.
Just outside the Austrians' Castle crypt, Irish frogmen complete with diving gear descended into a manhole to explore the Poddle, the underground river which runs below Dublin Castle.
"They're probably looking for "US submarines," joked a security guard.
The gardai who zoomed in and out of the Castle complex were decked out in black leather jumpsuits that looked like they were made by Claude Montana, singer Madonna's favourite designer.
At the presidency press office, Cliona Manahan Leslie of Foreign Affairs drew attention with her beautiful green velvet jacket, which she said was borrowed.
The Irish draft treaty calls for greater equality between men and women in the European Union. Maybe Europe's treaty fathers should be reminded that equality starts at home of the 42 heads of state and government and foreign and finance ministers attending the summit, only three - the Finnish and Swedish foreign ministers and the Danish economics minister - are women.
