ON WEDNESDAY they had a lively debate in the Seanad about political funding, writes MIRIAM LORD

Here’s Labour’s Ivana Bacik: “I did not wish to interrupt my good friend Senator Norris (below) in mid-flow during his rant. Since then there have been a number of other rants. I. . . remind him, and Senator Mullen, to try to use gender-neutral language when speaking about the nerve people have to enter politics. We heard about a gander from Senator Mullen. I point out there are not just ganders but also, as Senator Keane pointed out . . .” Ronan Mullen piped up: “What is the female for gander?” “Goose,” said Cáit Keane.

Norris: “We’re all geesed here. What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.”

Ivana: “I suggest gender-neutral language would be preferable to the term ‘bald’.”

(Here, we think the Seanad record may have confused its follicles with its testicles.) They get back to debating electoral funding.

But David was still thinking about what Ivana said. “‘Balls’ is a metaphor and is completely gender-neutral. I can provide a number. It was not directed at the gonads but rather it is a political metaphor . . .”

Cathaoirleach Paddy Burke intervenes: “I fail to see what this has to do with the amendment.”

“I was answering a point raised by my colleague,” says David. To which Ivana replies: “The Senator should mind his metaphors.” We’re lost.