DÁIL SKETCH:THE CAROLS weren't due to start until late in the afternoon, so when The 12 Days of Christmasreceived an early outing in the unlikely setting of the Dáil chamber yesterday morning, it was greeted with a mixture of suspicion, disbelief and derision, writes MIRIAM LORD
Biffo was alive to the mood music and played down the significance of the song, as performed for him by the combined chorus of Ictu during Monday night’s negotiations on slashing the public sector pay bill.
According to the Taoiseach, Ictu's principal vocalists had explained to him that their bizarre version of The 12 Days of Christmaswas really an extraordinary rendition of A Bridge over Troubled Workers.
It’s their novel, if ominously untested, way of lulling members into the accepting what the Government quaintly calls “adjustments”.
Union bosses, battling against the imposition of public sector pay cuts in next week’s budget, suggested that a large portion of the €1.3 billion that the exchequer wants to trim from the annual wage bill can be recouped by making workers take 12 days’ unpaid leave.
It seems that while the money will be saved next year, it might involve the workers taking time off over a period of years.
Enda Kenny tried to make sense of the proposal. He couldn’t work it out at all. “It’s a logistical shambles.” The Fine Gael leader began the morning with a bombshell. The press gallery is still reeling from it.
He asked how the Government intended to take the €1.3 billion from the wage bill without compromising services. It took him 29 seconds to ask his question. Enda got up, made his point and sat down again.
These are strange times around Leinster House, but when Inda Kinny takes less than half a minute to ask a question, we knew we had truly entered The Twilight Zone. The 12-day leave proposal from the unions, tentatively advanced by the Taoiseach, only served to underline the Alice in Wonderlandatmosphere.
Even Biffo was struggling to buy the concept – although at least it saved the country the inconvenience of another one-day public service strike. He made it quite clear that the proposal was part of the overall negotiation process and nothing was agreed.
“We reserve our position until we see if we can find an agreement otherwise, we have to consider our options.” Judging by the closed body language of his frontbench colleagues, they are at one with Fine Gael in thinking the latest proposal from the public sector unions is bonkers.
Some in Leinster House were saying privately that Finance Minister Brian Lenihan was also considering his options, one of which would be to throw a major hissy fit if his boss decides to follow Ictu’s siren song.
But Labour leader Eamon Gilmore, who has successfully adapted the mood of bah humbug into a year-round pursuit, didn’t want to appear a complete Scrooge. When the public sector unions are singing a tune, his usual policy is to tap his foot and hum along. Yet even he seemed to be stumped by the finer details of the unpaid leave scheme.
It wasn’t the fault of the unions, he hastened to add, returning to his hymn sheet. If the Taoiseach hadn’t left it to the eleventh hour to enter negotiations he wouldn’t have “now boxed himself into a situation where the ballot on any agreement concluded will take place in the aftermath of the budget”. The whole strategy is “muddled.” “It’s like a Fás scheme” said Fine Gael’s Michael Ring. “Nobody understands it and nobody believes it,” said his colleague Dinny McGinley.
“You’d need Pythagoras for it,” harrumphed Michael Creed.
Indeed, no one seemed to be able to make head nor tail of how the Government will get the money it needs.
Meanwhile, Ictu took a break from negotiations to launch its pre-budget proposal across the road in Buswells Hotel. Matters soon veered around to the business in hand. When David Begg told journalists the talks could go into the weekend, the groans from the floor were pitiful.
While this was going on, the Fianna Fáil parliamentary party was praying. In a first for Leinster House, Mass was celebrated in the Fianna Fáil party rooms on the fifth floor. The Mass, celebrated by Cavan-based priest Fr Kevin Fay, was in memory of the late senators Tony Kett and Peter Callanan. A large number of TDs and Senators attended.
Afterwards, one of them remarked that a few exorcisms might have been in order too, as the famous party rooms must be haunted by the ghosts of a fair few Fianna Fáil bloodbaths past.
But the day ended on a happy note with the official switching on of the Leinster House Christmas tree lights. Séamus Kirk – dubbed “Crann Comhairle” for the occasion – took over the duties of The Bull O’Donoghue. Deputy Kirk’s eloquent brevity was welcomed by all.
The Oireachtas choir did its duty, but was usurped by the Dublin Gospel Choir, drafted in for the afternoon.
Hostilities were suspended as the party leaders gathered at the magnificent tree which came from Donadea Forest Park in Kildare, as local FF TD Michael Fitzpatrick was quick to point out.
As usual, the event was an opportunity for the politicians to indulge in some indiscriminate flinging of themselves in front of the cameras. However, the Seanad representatives were called back for a vote. A distraught Donie Cassidy had to be hauled from the scene.
He returned in record time, only to find that the lights had been switched on in his absence with the help of schoolgirls Alannah O’Higgins (9) and Kate Tempany (8). New deputy, George Lee, on Leinster House for his first Christmas tree unveiling, cheered like an excited schoolboy when the lights blazed on.
Enda Kenny and Eamon Gilmore were grinning like Cheshire cats. Brian Cowen even managed a smile, although he drew the line at singing this year. Thanks to the choir, at least he was able to hear tidings of comfort and joy for a change.
Then everyone went back inside for business as usual, but not before they had been hustled into the foliage by Donie Cassidy for the benefit of the cameras.
