Surrounded by palm, olive and eucalyptus trees, huge red geraniums, hummingbirds darting in the oleander bushes, praying mantis posing in the undergrowth: this is definitely a habitat I could get used to. Especially as I am just about to have a dip in the sea (making sure to avoid black spiny sea urchins that may be lurking in the rocks) which is crystal clear and delightfully warm from the long heat of the afternoon. I have arrived, courtesy of Sunsail, at the Ionian island of Levkas.
It was on this island that the great classical love poet Sappho met her end, throwing herself off a cliff because she had been spurned by her lover. It is the most fertile of the Ionian islands, and produces a large amount of excellent wine. Normally I'd be happy enough reading classical poetry over a glass of wine in such scenic environs, but the reason I'm here is actually to fulfil my ambition to learn how to water-ski.
Sunsail's Galini Watersports Club is located on Levkas, where I can sample sailing, windsurfing, and water-skiing - with the qualified instructors my lack of experience demands - to my heart's content. Situated in a small rocky harbour with a narrow strip of beach, the club faces the mainland, offering an attractive view of rolling mountains across the bay. At noon the sky is an unreal azure, which melts into a beautiful rose glow at sunset that lights up the whole bay. The club consists of tiered traditional-style accommodation units to house a maximum of 200 guests, a bar and eating area, and a pool. It is manned by a fleet of tanned twenty-somethings, who run around purposefully in navy shorts with perpetual smiles and very bleached hair. There is an impressive variety of equipment, from wetsuits and surfboards to sleek yachts and dinghies of varying dimensions.
Each morning the big blackboard in the cafe is scrawled with the day's activities on offer, from banana-rides for the kids to day-long sailing excursions. Anyone wishing for individual tuition has to book in advance. Get in early if you want water-skiing instruction, as the lessons are popular and few. Apparently it is dangerous to water-ski unless the sea is mirror calm, so lessons are restricted to early morning and late afternoon.
Late afternoon is when I have my first try out, perfect in terms of alertness (I'm never at my best early in the morning), as well as water temperature (much warmer at the end of the day). I feel quite intimidated by the number of 10-year-olds who are ahead of me in the queue and don't need any instruction.
In spite of these inadequacies, my instructors - those elite fellows who get to operate the motorboat that will pull me along; no washing up duties for these thoroughbreds - are patient and encouraging. They coax my feet into the skis and show me how to crouch in the water in preparation for take-off. Like all novices, I'm starting on "the bar", a metal bar attached to the motorboat. Hanging on to the bar gives the apprentice water-skier better leverage for hauling oneself into a standing position once the boat gathers speed.
Balance and nerve is all, and after one false start, I manage to steady myself and keep my legs parallel (not too close but not too far apart). It is exhilarating, zooming along on the surface of the water, surrounded by the mountains and the bay. Two or three goes are enough, though, as it is quite tiring on unaccustomed arm muscles.
My second lesson is less satisfactory. My instructors are so pleased with the way I've mastered "the bar" they are determined to try me "on the rope". This is a disaster. Filled with false confidence, I am not a bit ready for the total lack of support involved. The long rope trails behind the boat and I grasp the handle on the end, wondering how the hell I'm going to get myself into a standing position. The boat takes off and my legs scoot out from under me in two separate directions.
It takes me a few seconds and a ripping sensation in my right thigh to realise that I had better let go of the rope. After that I never quite get it right, in spite of my instructor's determination that I give it just one more try. After four attempts, I am allowed to admit defeat, and I have one last session the easy way.
Later I am relieved to discover that other holiday-makers at Galini have been through similar humiliations. Over meals at the Club, holiday-makers sit at long tables and talk over the highs and lows of the day. The food is unsophisticated but plentiful, and the bar is well-stocked. This is not a holiday for folks who want gourmet food or succulent examples of local cuisine (for the latter, you can always go to Nidri, the nearest town).
The whole experience is designed to appeal to those who want to spend most of their waking hours on the water, after which all they want is a quick filling meal and few drinks before collapsing into bed.
For those who've had a few too many cocktails the night before, there is always the option of being taken out for a day's sailing with a skipper to do all the hard work. I spend such a day along with others of my kind who like the idea of taking it easy. Our boat, the Pirouette is, according to skipper Colin Muir, a sloop, otherwise known as a 440 Beneteau Oceanis. It is 44 foot long with a commodious cabin and enough berths for at least half a dozen. If we wanted, we could take off for a week in this thing. But we are content to sail along and loll in the sun, letting Colin guide our craft towards Skorpios, the Onassis island. Aristotle Onassis bought the island in the 1960s, reputedly for a song, but preferred to sleep in his moored yacht, the Christina, rather than overnight on the island.
We position ourselves close to the protected cove where Jackie Onassis liked to swim. We are allowed to dive off the boat and gambol about in the water close to shore, but not to set foot on the sand. Patrolling guards with their dogs remind us not to take a chance. We lunch at Vounaki, Sunsail's other club, situated eight miles across the bay on the mainland, and then climb aboard for the return trip. Colin allows some of us to take turns steering. It is blissfully peaceful and hot.
The weather can be unpredictable, especially late in the season. On stormy days the sailing excursions are cancelled. In this event, there is always the option of renting a car (about £30 a day) and going off to explore. The nearby town of Nidri (which you can reach on foot in about half an hour) is well equipped with shops, selling natural sponges, stylish pottery and glassware. There are also plenty of tavernas offering good Greek food and wine at very affordable prices. A group of us spend an enjoyable evening at El Greco's eating Greek salad and fresh grilled sea bream washed down with excellent Levkadian red, (£7.50 each for three courses, including the wine). Be prepared to feed the ubiquitous cats which weave among the tables miaowing for tidbits.
By mid October the evenings are mercifully cool, to counteract the incredible heat of mid-day (which still reaches 23 degrees between noon and 3 p.m.). It is cooler in April, at about 19 degrees, in May the temperature is similar to October, and from June to September it can reach 30 degrees. It is easy to forget when you are out on a boat with the sea breeze freshening your skin that you are at serious risk of burning to a crisp if you haven't brought any sunblock or a hat. There are lots of families staying, and the club has designed activities to entertain children (and teach them some basic sailing techniques) so that parents can get some time to themselves. There are organised activities at night too, one of the most tempting-sounding of which is a star-gazing boat trip, where an expert identifies the constellations.
Accommodation at Galini is traditional Mediterranean-style, with tiled flooring, whitewashed walls and blue doors. It looks well and the small shaded rooms are a welcome respite from the heat outside. But we are not talking about the Ritz. Facilities are basic and not all the rooms have much of a view. Across the bay on the mainland, Sunsail's Vounaki Club is more commodious. Visitors stay in roomy custom-built modern units, fitted out handsomely with wooden floors and each with its own French doors onto a balcony with a lovely view. The two clubs offer much the same sort of service in terms of water sports.