Present Tense:Most of us did dumb things in our teenage years. None of them, however, led to the deployment of 30 cops, including two dog squads, a critical incident response team and a police helicopter.
None of them entertained the world's press. None of them led to dedicated computer games, websites and YouTube fame. None of them inspired T-shirts.
But the misadventures of a teen can now become a global phenomenon within hours. This week, the honour belongs to the Melbourne 16-year-old who, while his parents were on holiday, advertised his party on MySpace. Some 500 people turned up and triggered a near-riot of drunkenness, streaking, vandalism and, reportedly, semi-naked Twister. Accompanied by a public display of insolence bigger than Australia itself, the young man's dedication to living life as if it were a 1980s high-school comedy has made him one of the most talked-about people in the western world.
He has since been arrested and charged with the serious crime of "producing child pornography", although this may yet prove to be a heavy-handed approach to dealing with an underage party. But it means that, "for legal reasons", the press is not now supposed to name the teenager. His photograph has even been pixellated. Which is ridiculous. That his face is printed on T-shirts makes it pretty hard to keep the genie in this shaken bottle of alcopops.
He was not the first youngster to make the news after a party went out of control, but the tipping point came with an interview he gave to Australian television, in which he appeared bare-chested and sporting a pair of yellow sunglasses almost as big as his head.
The straightwoman in this two-hander was the show's anchor who, knowing that his parents were still away, adopted the role of disapproving adult.
"What would you say to other kids who are thinking of partying when their parents are out of town?" she asked. "Get me to do it for you," he replied. "I suggest you go away and take a long hard look at yourself," she advised him. "I have. Everyone has. They love it."
Which they do. And every time he has turned up on a radio or TV show since, he has come off best against the spoilsport adults, each of whom has foundered on his unwavering insistence on fully exercising his right to be a teenager.
He was not the only 16-year-old in the spotlight this week. For its brats-and-birthdays series My Super Sweet 16, MTV followed the party preparations of Lorcan Malone, who is nominally from Louth but who actually lives at the Centre of the Universe. (Sample dialogue: "Where are we going to get huskies, Lorcan?" "That's not my problem.") No doubt encouraged and assisted in every way by MTV, Lorcan's attitude and antics succeeded in placing him firmly at the head of the queue for "person you would least like to represent Ireland in case of alien invasion".
About this point in the column, I thought I might have reached some moral. Something along the lines of how we all make mistakes as teenagers, but that they were ultimately allowed to be overlooked rather than broadcast to millions. That those of us who have survived those years should have the wisdom to look away and let teenagers make their mistakes in the privacy of their own peer group. Because we know that in a decade or two they'll look back and cringe so hard they'll risk popping a joint.
But that would be facile. Because teenagers have always done dumb things and most of this generation will regret theirs eventually. It's only a replication of previous generations' experiences, after all, with the significant difference that they may be broadcast on a global scale and live forever on the internet. Rightly or wrongly, that's part of the allure.
Having said that, Lorcan's parents - whose role in the programme was to be people whom the boy could insult and take money from - could have exercised more wisdom in allowing him to feature in the first place. He comes across only as spoiled and obnoxious; a misrepresentative stereotype of his post-boom generation.
His Australian counterpart, on the other hand, has come to embody something much purer about being a teenager. Sure, he's obnoxious, and you wouldn't want to live on his street, but he kind of grows on you. He is mischievous, quick-witted and an impressive media manipulator. As his parents scrambled to get home, their son was ignoring their phone calls and performing a masterclass in teenhood for the amusement of millions. Sometimes you have to fight for your right to party.
