DÁIL SKETCH:LEINSTER HOUSE was on tenterhooks. You could have cut the tension with a balloon, writes Miriam Lord
All day, just the one question was on everyone's lips: "Do you think the fine weather will last?" Some people whiled away the time waiting for Brian Cowen's debut as Taoiseach at Leaders' Questions by speculating on who he might appoint to junior ministerial rank. But frothing at the mouth with anticipation, they were not.
Membership of the Half Car Club isn't the big deal it used to be. We have 20 Ministers of State, handmaidens of the Cabinet masters whose job they will eventually come to covet. Bertie Ahern, anxious to please, created as many positions he could get away with to keep as many deputies as he could onside.
But these are changed times. For example, there are headphones on the press gallery now, because Taoiseach Cowen likes to speak at length in Irish. He didn't during Leaders' Questions yesterday, but the headphones came in handy anyway, because it turned out times haven't changed that much after all.
Biffo is as bad a mutterer as Bertie. The headphones provided amplification.
He had no problem making himself heard in Offaly at the weekend.
"It's the other side of the singing," whispered a disconsolate journalist as the Taoiseach droned on.
Street angel, house devil? Never mind. The announcement of his Half-Car Handmaidens was imminent. Not that anyone seemed too bothered. (The names had leaked out earlier in the afternoon.)
Any hopes the Taoiseach was going to make a gesture in the direction of public service reform and cut the number of junior ministers littering the corridors of power were dashed.
Still a hefty 20 handmaidens drawing a big salary - with five new faces, two gone on to higher things and three dropped.
The Opposition was so indifferent to the news it couldn't even muster an affectionate jeer when Martin Mansergh was made Minister of State with responsibility for the OPW and the Arts. A wonderful ascent for the old ascendancy. The stately homes of old Ireland will be safe in Prof Mansergh's hands.
Fianna Fáil has always had a special relationship with the landed gentry, albeit of the more modern, property-developing variety.
It'll be archaeology digs and Wagner from now on.
Labour's Joan Burton was a bit puzzled, leading her to ask the most profound question of the day: "What are they for, the multiple Ministers of State?"
After the Order of Business, Biffo's B-Specials were marched out for a family photo. This took place on the steps of Government Buildings, where access to the event could be controlled by the media police. Reporters were not allowed to attend this happy occasion, as there was a danger that one of the Half-Car Handmaidens might be asked a question.
Worst still, there was every possibility one of them might answer.
In this new administration of Kim Il Cowen, there has been an immediate crackdown on interaction with journalists. On the night Ministers received their seals of office, they were not allowed speak to reporters afterwards.
Since then, it has been reported that Ministers had been warned they will be sacked if they tell tales out of school.
Yesterday, as the happy office-holders gathered, even the harmless sketch writers, who observe rather than ask questions, were banned from watching the photocall. That's a first. Real reporters were also locked out.
In the court of Kim Il Cowen, photographs are good and junior ministers must be seen and not heard.
Which isn't much of a change from the norm.
Still, it was most unfair on Biffos B-Specials, who were getting their moment in the sun. On the one day they get any bit of notice, journalists weren't allowed in to see them. Ordinarily, the poor mites are ignored, and largely invisible.
But things are different now under the new regime, which is going to be carefully controlled. Kim Il Cowen's word will be enforced by the hulking, rugby-loving, Irish-speaking Government press secretary, Eoin Ó Neachtain. Eoin is a former Army officer, so should be happy enough when The Great Leader orders him back into uniform.
Ah yes, it's all ahead of us.
Last weekend, during those heady couple of days in Offaly, when Biffo spoke of community and co-operation and a return to decency, he argued passionately that a Yes vote for the Lisbon Treaty is a vote against totalitarianism.
The following day, he was telling a press conference - carefully controlled - that anyone in his parliamentary party who goes against the party line will be sacked.
Totalitarianism is fine, but only for Kim Il Cowen.