Ahern's criminal bill must be judged by a jury of his peers

NEWTON'S OPTIC: DO WE need the Criminal Dermot (Jehovah) Bill? This column considers all sides of the argument now dominating…

NEWTON'S OPTIC:DO WE need the Criminal Dermot (Jehovah) Bill? This column considers all sides of the argument now dominating national debate.

YES

It is important to realise that the Criminal Dermot (Jehovah) Bill does not abolish the right to a fair hearing, as some critics have claimed. This entirely reasonable and long overdue legislation merely permits a senior Fianna Fáil politician at the rank of Ward Inspector or above to declare that Dermot Ahern’s followers constitute a gang.

Having established that such a gang exists, a full case must still be made against those accused of membership.

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Until now, it has been difficult to accuse anyone of being in Ahern’s gang because the court of public opinion refuses to accept that even Fianna Fáil contains a faction daft enough to think he would make a good taoiseach. Having overcome that hurdle, it will be easier to show that the activities of individual TDs are definitely Ahern-gang related.

As an additional safeguard, this bill outlaws the bearing of false witness, as required by Bunreacht na hÉireann and The Ninth Commandment.

NO

Nobody disputes that Ahern-gang activity is a serious issue in parts of the Dáil. But reliance on the testimony of a senior Fianna Fáil politician alone has led to some of the worst miscarriages of government in the State’s history.

How can we be sure that accusations of Ahern-gang membership are not corrupt or self-serving, especially if the accuser is from Donegal? What if a junior minister’s claim of involvement is just youthful bravado? Might it be prejudicial to speak of an Ahern “gang” at all when we may only be referring to a group of men who share certain beliefs and associations?

These are matters which must be judged by a jury of Ahern’s peers, however difficult it may be to find 12 people like him. It is untrue to suggest Ahern-gang activity is too dangerous for the existing political system to handle. We have faced the threat of far worse leaders without abandoning our cherished right to laugh them out of court.

BUT

All these arguments boil down to the scale of Cabinet-tampering. There is no evidence of widespread Cabinet-tampering by the Ahern gang. However, this could be because the Ahern gang’s Cabinet-tampering has destroyed the evidence. In that case, the absence of evidence is itself evidence which would certainly be admissible under the Criminal Dermot (Jehovah) Bill.

MAYBE

The Government could compromise by making it an offence to be in Ahern’s gang, but only in a legally unworkable “offensive” sense. This law would therefore never be used, except to fix a problem in the Constitution that everyone had forgotten about until the Government raised it. As a safeguard, the fine for membership of Ahern’s gang could be lowered from €100,000 to a nominal €25,000. But not €100, or €50. That would be a bit too nominal.

ON THE OTHER HAND

We the undersigned, representing the most irritating people in Ireland, do assert with a Very Pompous Letter that we find the Criminal Dermot (Jehovah) Bill to be a terrible business altogether, thereby strangely compelling you to support it.

FINALLY

Disgracing Ireland in Europe? Isn’t that Charlie McGreevy’s job?