NEWTON'S OPTIC:JUNE 6th, 2011
WHEN I started this blog, I had no idea LibyanLesbian.com would attract so much attention. All I wanted was to raise awareness of lesbian life in Tripoli, highlight the hypocrisy of liberal orientalism and perhaps get 1,000 kinky e-mails from some woman in Canada.
Naturally I am flattered by the worldwide media interest but I am also concerned my identity could be exposed. There are only so many of the colonel’s bodyguards fitting my muscular, busty description. I fear I may be conveniently arrested at any moment.
JUNE 7th
What a busy day. We had to get a new golf cart for the colonel out of storage after his old one was destroyed in a coalition air attack. Then he had a meeting with the head of the World Chess Federation, which meant finding his special chess set with just a king and 15 pawns. Spent the rest of the day concealing my sexuality, contemplating my faith and wrestling with the contradictions between my patriotism and my yearning for freedom. That sort of thing.
JUNE 8th
Some of you have asked why I only ever write about events that have just appeared on Sky News. What can I say? Those Sky guys really are first with breaking stories. But to put your mind at rest I will peer over my balcony, between gun battles, and describe the scene outside at the corner of Liberation Avenue and Local Committee of the People Street. Yes, it looks exactly like it does on Google Earth, except there’s a camel eating dates beside a burned-out tank. Happy now?
JUNE 9th
You have asked for another of my heart-rending original poems, so here goes:
The colonel don’t like it
Bombing the casbah
Bombing the casbah
The colonel don’t like it
If only I was in Canada
If only I was in Canada
JUNE 10th
It is difficult to imagine the privations we are suffering. The internet is so unreliable I am forced to use offshore servers, which may cause the technically ignorant to think I am in Belfast. Staple foods like dates, potatoes and bacon are increasingly hard to find. Rubbish is piling up in the streets, causing a Koranic plague of insects. No-fly zone my arse.
JUNE 11th
One of the things we are denied here is access to education. How I long to do a PhD on the sociopolitical experience of lesbians in Libya, using my narrative voice to illuminate the issues for a western audience misled by superficial Middle Eastern coverage. That would certainly show my wife, if she was doing a PhD on Libya. Not that she is, or that I have a wife. Because gay marriage is illegal here, obviously.
JUNE 12th
Apparently some woman in London is claiming I have used her photograph on this website. It is an easy mistake to make as we Arabs all look quite similar, even to ourselves. However, to avoid further confusion I may take a short break from blogging.
JUNE 13th
This is a posting from the Libyan Lesbian’s wife. I regret to inform you that he has been taken in for some serious questioning.