I was talking to a tall man recently who was complaining about the disadvantages of being six and a half foot high.
He mentioned Simon Shaw, the six foot nine inch England rugby player, who spent years trying to find a comfortable bed. Simon read about a seven foot six inch bed that West Indian fast bowler Courtney Walsh had specially made for him by a Bristol firm. He ordered a similar model and is now a happy man.
Being only 5ft 7ins, I was fascinated by numerous tales of woe from my big friend about the hardship of being tall. I always thought tall people happily floated by looking down on us less endowed mortals. When I was younger, I yearned to be tall. However, as the years went by I realised I was better off in the lower stratosphere of life. Like a small car, it was easier parking myself in various roles in life. I also found out how much unfortunate skyscraper human beings suffer.
Apparently, they have a terrible time getting clothes to fit them, they are constantly walking into low door frames, hitting their heads off sharp objects, having difficulty in trying to stretch their legs on planes and in confined spaces. Getting in and out of cars or telephone booths is tricky. Nobody wants to sit behind them in a cinema or at a football match.
Being tall is all right if you want to play rugby as a second row forward or want to hit big serves at Wimbledon. But those who don't, can get along famously in the daily ups and downs of life (pardon the pun), clocking in at 5ft 7ins.
Long strides
I have quite a lot of good friends who are tall, but I hate meeting them in the street. They take such long strides. I cannot keep up with them and I have to jog along, like a little dog, at their ankles. It is also hard to keep a conversation going when you are out of breath and looking up in the air.
It used to be said that Dubliners were short and stocky because of the dreadful conditions in the slums at the beginning of the century. Bad diet was also a major factor. That could be true. Lots of Dubs are small because they were reared in cramped conditions in a polluted city, while, for example, Kerry men are big - plenty of wide open spaces, good food, potatoes and fresh air.
I read a very informative article about height recently. It explained that growth of the body is determined by growth hormone, which is produced by a pituitary gland in the brain. The amount of growth hormone which is released into the body can depend on a number of factors, including diet, exercise and even emotional stimulation.
The big news is that in general we are getting taller by the generation because we have better food and better health care.
In England, royal watchers have been fascinated by the height of Prince William. When he was 15 he was 6ft 1in and wore a size 10 shoe and was taller than his parents. At the rate he is going he should be the tallest king they have ever had. He will literally be head and shoulders above his subjects. In fact whoever gets the job of placing the crown on his head may need a stepladder.
More exercise
Another interesting tit-bit about the world of tall humans: children grow more in the spring and summer than in autumn and winter. This apparently suggests that the more exercise they get, the more growth hormone their body releases.
The experts estimate we are increasing our height by about an inch per generation. Early last year an American professor from Chicago University told a London meeting that the height of the average Briton could rise by five inches over the next century. That's hard to believe. It seems to contradict earlier reports that people in crowded, polluted cities don't grow tall. As most people are now leaving the countryside and living in overcrowded, polluted cities they should on that basis be small. But who am I to question the experts?
Yet, measurements taken every seven years by Marks & Spencer show that teenagers are on average nearly two inches taller than they were 50 years ago. I have good news for very tall worried people: once you reach your final height you start to shrink. I'm not making this up. This is due to the effect of gravity on the vertebrae. Eventually, you come down to my height. This shows that life can be a great equalizer.
Tallest man
One man who will be glad to hear this is Chris Greener. He happens to be Britain's tallest man at seven foot six and a quarter inches in his stocking feet. He is now 57 years of age and has held his record for 33 years.
In his early years he was the butt off many jokes and found it hard to cope. In the end he decided he wasn't going to be a recluse for the rest of his life and went out and faced the local comedians. To his credit he built up a list of instant replies for his detractors and got on with life. However, he never got married, mainly because he felt no woman would be able to cope with the constant wise-cracks which he had to endure every day.
He wisely decided to utilise his height to his best advantage. At 24, he took up basketball and played for England. He made the most of his height to earn money and has appeared on TV, in pantomime and films, and does a lot of public appearances.
A very encouraging boost for tall guys came in January. Research in the University of Wroclaw, Poland, and Liverpool University has found that tall men get the girls. Shorties like Napoleon might do well on the battlefield and Al Capone in the underworld, but when it comes to romance, it's the tall, dark and handsome male who rules the world.