THERE'S A new ditty about Bertie doing the rounds on YouTube that's worth wasting four minutes and 10 seconds of the boss's time on.
It's called Bertie and Boomtown and is "sung" (if that's not over-egging it) by four young ladies and a bloke wearing a wig in the style of Marsha Hunt (Google it if you want an explanation) and massively oversized sunglasses.
The rap goes something like this: "It was '97 when you took over the Dáil . . . you fooled us all with your northside chatter . . . quick with the wit; better than the Opposition, sure they were all just full of sh*t . . ."
And the girls in the background keep crooning: "Oh-oh Bertie . . . It used to be a boomtown; now it just a ruintown . . . Oh-oh Bertie."
Sloshing about is Alan Shortt doing a decent riff on the (formerly) great man himself and the video is directed by Liam Frawley.
For a band that has propelled itself into cyberspace courtesy of YouTube, they're unusually coy about themselves. "We wanted to do something funny about the decline of the Celtic Tiger, and the Bertie years, that sort of summed it up in three minutes, without being too mean," a member told Magpie.
"We kind of want to keep our names out of it though, so the band is called Anon."
If Anon get enough hits on YouTube, they might release the song as a Christmas CD.
See what you think: http://ie.youtube.com/2008boomtown
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Speaking of Christmas, 10 firefighters and two fire engines, plus a support vehicle with a hydraulic platform, were called to Gonville and Caius College in Cambridge the other day to . . . remove a Santa hat from a spire.
The cap was deemed a risk to health and safety, apparently.
The firefighters spent an hour lowering the seasonal headgear, which had been fastened to an 18m (60ft) spire above the college entrance known for centuries as the Gate of Humility.
Witnesses said the operation involved closing part of a nearby road, leading to tailbacks.
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Lapland New Forest - on the Dorset-Hampshire border in England - has failed to deliver on its promised "magical festive experience" featuring a winter wonderland of reindeers, log cabins, a skating rink and a magical tunnel of light.
Disappointed families who spent £25 (€28.80) per ticket described it as a "glorified car boot sale" with a nativity scene on a billboard, broken skating rink and huskies in a muddy field.
Santa was allegedly punched by a furious father who spent four hours queuing.
A former employee said: "He got to the front only to be told he couldn't take a picture of his children and they weren't allowed to sit on Santa's lap. The family were then told they would have to get into another queue to get their presents. That was the final straw.
"Not only that - it was claimed one child had to be comforted after finding a Santa smoking a cigarette outside his grotto and three elves are said to have been involved in violent confrontations."
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A Christmas pantomime in Albert Halls theatre, Bolton, Lancashire, has renamed the dwarfs in its production of Snow White to avoid breaching Disney copyright.
Children are now entertained by Goody, Loopy, Lazy, Growler, Noisy and Shabby, but Sneezy, whose name, for reasons unknown to Magpie, was never protected, remains.
The show has suffered several setbacks and two performances were cancelled after three dwarfs got stuck in traffic.
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For something completely different, why not drop into the Istanbul Dolphinarium in Turkey, where a walrus has become a star attraction . . . by learning to play the saxophone. Under the direction of her Russian trainer Sergiy, Sara the walrus can grip the brass instrument between her flippers and blast out a note.
Sergiy also taught Sara to strike a nonchalant pose, leaning on a worktop with one flipper under her chin and looking bored.
Her skills at mimicking humans extend to dressing up as a train conductor and blowing a whistle.
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Bushism of the week: "There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again." - September 17th, 2002