SELFRIDGES, ONE of the main department stores on London's Oxford Street, has fired a Santa after he invited a granny to sit on his lap despite being issued with an elf warning.
Andrew Mondia (32), had been hired by the shop as one of their troupe of Santas dishing out Christmas cheer and presents. But he claims he was sacked on Monday after only three days after the grandmother complained that he had invited her to sit on his lap.
"I had no intention of offending her, I just wanted to include her in the moment. Christmas is for adults too," said Mondia, who splits his time between acting and promotional work.
The company said it is made clear to potential Santas during their training that no one should sit on Santa's lap, and Santas must certainly not "promote or proactively seek" for anyone to do so. Mondia had also been warned by his helper elf several times that he should not ask clients to sit on his knee, they said.
But a supervisor fired the 32-year-old. "I'm not sure what I'll do now," he said. "I'm looking for other jobs but it's going to ruin my Christmas because I'm not going to have any money and I wanted to carry on having fun as Santa Claus. It's disappointing, but I've learnt that, even as Santa Claus, you can't please everyone all the time."
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Japanese zookeepers have discovered why two polar bears whom they had hoped would mate have failed to procreate since being introduced to each other last June.
It's because they are both female.
Tsuyoshi, a four-year-old "male" polar bear, and his 11-year-old female partner, Kurumi, have been living together since June at the Kushiro Municipal Zoo in Hokkaido, northern Japan.
"Observing his behaviours, we got suspicious as to whether Tsuyoshi was really a male," the zoo said. The zoo put Tsuyoshi under an anaesthetic earlier in the month for a gender check-up, and learned he was a she. "I have mixed feelings," said Yoshio Yamaguchi, head of the zoo.
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Elsewhere in the Orient, however, it appears there may be gay penguins.
According to a keeper at Polar Land in Harbin, northeast China, a couple of gay penguins are attempting to steal eggs from straight birds in an effort to become "fathers". They have started placing stones at the feet of parents before waddling away with their eggs, in a bid to hide their theft.
But the deception has been noticed by other penguins at the zoo, who have ostracised the gay couple from their group.
Now keepers have decided to segregate the pair of three-year-old male birds to avoid disrupting the rest of the community during the hatching season.
"One of the responsibilities of being a male adult is looking after the eggs. Despite this being a biological impossibility for this couple, the natural desire is still there," a keeper told a newspaper.
"It's not discrimination. We have to fence them separately, otherwise the whole group will be disturbed during hatching time," he added.
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George Wills and Robert Catalano, who market a fake penis designed to help men cheat drugs tests, have pleaded guilty to two charges of conspiracy in a US federal court. Their company described its Whizzinator, filled with synthetic urine, as the "ultimate solution" for drug testing on its website. "The prosthetic penis is very realistic and concealing is simple, while our quality production and materials assures you that the Whizzinator will let it flow again and again, anytime, anywhere you need it!"
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Bushism of the Week: "I think we agree, the past is over." - May 10th, 2000