NEWTON'S OPTIC:SIX SOCIAL housing units in Dublin were misallocated "but five of them would have been allocated anyway, so it's only one". This is what officials told councillors who asked for an investigation, according to Independent councillor Damian O'Farrell.
O’Farrell is unimpressed with this line of reasoning, but he should not be so quick to dismiss its potential.
Huge swathes of local government could be rationalised if only Dubliners were willing to dismiss things which make no difference in the end.
Consider waste disposal. Most household waste will decompose outside by its own accord. So why bother paying to have it taken away?
It is true that some household waste is non-biodegradable, but as long as this only accounts for around one bag in six, officials should not be too concerned if residents dump it all in the street.
Or consider social services. Dublin City Council provides a wide range of support for the disadvantaged. However, five-sixths of the urban poor have no prospects in life, so this is largely futile. It may also be worth taking a look at the council-run fire brigade, as most fires eventually burn out by themselves.
Dublin City Council is currently extending a 30km/h speed limit across the city centre. Might this plan benefit from a longer-term view? Every vehicle that has ever been made will one day grind to a final halt. So why worry about what speed they reach in the meantime? Indeed, why worry about roads and transport at all when more than five out of every six people who leave their house in the morning will just be back in their house that very same evening?
A similar principle applies to street lighting. There are 24 hours in a day, but on average only a sixth of those hours fall between dusk and bedtime. So there is no need for Dublin City Council to shine a light on anything.
Planning is a major area of council responsibility, covering applications, appeals, complaints and overall policy.
Yet of all the developments in Dublin that should never have been built, five-sixths were built regardless. So there is probably no requirement for planning at all.
Water treatment is another major council function, but could its importance be over-stated? In a city the size of Dublin, every drop of drinking water has been through the human body at least six times. However, the kidneys clean it up on each pass, so in effect even untreated water has only been through the human body once.
In an unrelated urine extraction move, Dublin City Council has set up an Economic Development Unit to oversee its Business Support Unit, Economic Development Action Plan, Lord Mayor’s Commission on Employment, Creative Dublin Alliance and Innovation Dublin. It might seem excessive to create a local government quango to oversee five other local government quangos, but the five other quangos existed already, so in fact the council has only created one.
Dublin City Council is taking climate change equally seriously. It has agreed a climate change strategy, signed the Eurocities declaration on sustainability and drafted an action plan on energy. Four major coastal flood defence projects are currently under way.
However, if climate change predictions are correct, five-sixths of Dublin will still be under water in 200 years. So really, what’s the point?