Newton's Optic: Newton Emerson considers the latest developments in the embryo world...
Lawyers for Embryo X will go to the High Court tomorrow to argue that their client should remain frozen because its parents are separated.
"This is really a question of when marriage ends," said a legal expert. "Does it end with divorce or does it end when the idea of divorce is first implanted in the woman's mind?"
The case is just one example of how the frozen embryo community is playing an increasingly important role in the pre-life of the State.
In Dublin, the needs of frozen embryos have even been considered while improving public transport. "Most councillors want light rail, but frozen embryos prefer to travel by tube," explained a city planner.
In Limerick, the Garda is increasingly concerned by the emergence of frozen embryo gangs.
"It's only a matter of time before somebody starts a life," warned a local inspector.
In Galway, several hundred wombs have been reserved for Irish-speaking embryos only.
"Frozen embryos are just as likely to speak Irish as anyone else," said a Gaeltacht enforcement officer.
Also, in Dundalk, a new electronics plant has opened to make extremely small chips for extremely small shoulders.
There are no frozen embryo stories of any interest from Cork.
Emma Mitos is the editor of Bryo!, a non-lifestyle magazine for frozen Irish embryos.
"The success of our magazine mirrors the breakthrough of this important new demographic," she said. "We're growing really fast - although admittedly we didn't have any circulation at all for the first four weeks."
Ms Mitosis says that frozen embryos are interested in a wide range of social issues such as test tube cleanliness, liquid nitrogen temperatures and the difficulty of becoming a foetus.
However, like most young people, frozen embryos are increasingly reluctant to leave the family home. "They just want to attach the umbilical cord," said Ms Mitosis.
Last week, Minister for Justice Michael McDowell put frozen embryos firmly on to the political agenda with his Gynaecological Privacy Bill.
"Embryos have the right to be protected from smears," explained a Government spokesman.
The minister is also examining frozen embryo detention policy at Mountjoy.
"They really should have their own cells," added the spokesman.
Tánaiste Mary Harney plans to include frozen embryos in her next health insurance proposal after learning that 400 billion of them can fit on to a single hospital trolley, while Taoiseach Bertie Ahern may consult frozen embryo groups over the privatisation of Aer Lingus after denouncing its present arrangements as "a total abortion".
There are no frozen embryo opinions of any interest from the Catholic church.
Commentators now believe that frozen embryos will play a decisive role in the next general election.
William Blastocyst is a spokesman for the Democratic Uterus Party, which aims to preserve the union between sperm and egg from the yolk of Irish oppression.
"We want frozen embryos to overcome their accelerating cellular divisions and vote on the issues that will affect them nine months from now," he said. "Obviously, that can't start to happen until attitudes thaw."
However, there has still been no comment from the frozen embryos themselves. Repeated calls by The Irish Times produced only a frosty silence and the distant hum of what sounded suspiciously like a fridge motor.
"That's the problem with frozen embryos," said a legal expert yesterday. "They have no real conception of anything."