Newton's Optic: Newton Emerson'sOde to the New Limerick
A PLAN FROM NANTUCKET
There is a town out in the west
With estates that are long past their best
The Government's retort
Is to print a report
And promise to strongly invest
The report is entitled "Our community"
Which is a word thrown around with impunity
Its original herald
Was one John Fitzgerald
Who said it was a great opportunity
The President ran the plan up the mast
And spoke of moving on from the past
In her rhetorical pretension
Bridges probably got a mention
But not the kind you stand under drinking Buckfast
The report's full proposals are polished
Everyone's house will be demolished
Then immediately rebuilt
And serviced to the hilt
While anti-social tenants are admonished
Severe penalties will be introduced
Welfare payments could well be reduced
New residents must swear
To behave while they're there
Or eviction might well be induced
But this is where a huge legal hole
Opens up in the plan's very soul
For whatever your crimes
In these sensitive times
Nobody can withhold your dole
In fact the more lawless the crew
The quicker their payments come through
They get their claim
"Society" gets the blame
And the neighbours are just left to stew
So how will this time around differ?
Through a promise of rules that are stiffer?
Will a "community contract"
Have any real impact
On a violent, gun-wielding coke-sniffer?
Talk of new legislation is muttered
Whenever this question is uttered
But Fianna Fáil
Is quite busy in the Dáil
With others who up must be buttered
Then there are the campaigning groups
Who insist that we jump through their hoops
They'll cry "social exclusion!"
And cause legal confusion
They don't care if they're criminal dupes
First will come mention of rights
Then the lawyers that such talk excites
Children will be invoked
And taxpayers will get soaked
As each case the miscreant fights
But the rights brigade never gives a toss
For good folk in a place like Moyross
Look after your kin
Try hard not to sin
And you'll just make the apologists cross
Instead they want special needs provision
A case worker for every decision
Try telling this shower
That they're just after power
And they'll treat you with total derision
There will be two new police stations
And training to halt altercations
But why should more cops
Pull out all the stops
When they'll face the same courtroom frustrations?
Anyway, where will they go
These people whom out we should throw?
Will they move next to you
And drink special brew
While you dream of a house in Arklow?
So let 3,000 homes slowly fail
Then replace them in every detail
But would we need to do it
And put everyone through it
If we just kept a few more in jail?