DRAPIERMichael Smith dodged the question of the week with agility worthy of the Taoiseach himself. "Was there," demanded the presenter on Morning Ireland "a jacuzzi on board the Government jet"? The Minister failed to answer the question. The normally genial Dinny McGinley smelt blood and accused Bertie of behaving like the ruler of some unspecified African country.
Pat Rabbitte tried again a few hours later in the Dáil chamber. This time the Taoiseach himself dodged the question amidst slightly nervous laughter from the Government benches. But still no news on the jacuzzi. By Thursday Enda Kenny had clearly got some insider information as he confidently accused Bertie of preparing to bathe in a "gilded jacuzzi" at 30,000 feet.
Drapier has strong views on the jacuzzi. Drapier believes that the Taoiseach and his minions should be allowed to wash when they go on trips abroad. Drapier wants it to be known that he cares little whether the jets of water approach ministerial bodies from above (as in a shower) or from more exotic angles (as in a jacuzzi). In rough summary, Draper couldn't give a fiddler's whether there is a jacuzzi on the plane or not.
Back in January this newspaper printed a photograph of a disconsolate Bertie standing on a runway in Mexico staring at a stationary Government jet. The blessed thing had broken down yet again and left Taoiseach and party well and truly stranded. True, some of us did enjoy a wee chuckle at Bertie's embarrassment but really it was difficult not to feel for the guy.
Government these days involves travel, lots of it. Most of it is tedious and time-consuming. All of us in here know that. None of us volunteers any more for those awful meetings in Brussels. In short, nobody in Leinster House disputes the need for a Government jet, ideally one that works. The issue of the jet (and the jacuzzi for that matter) is one gigantic non-issue.
Why then the hullabaloo?
Because it's easy politics. Because it's an easy headline. Because too many TDs aren't very good at grown-up politics. Why tell people what you think about the health service when you can get easy headlines by slagging off the Government for buying a jet? Because the politics of begrudgery appeals to our national psyche.
The politics of begrudgery is dangerous. It encourages people to think that all politicians are venal and egocentric. The mud splatters us all. Politics as a whole is in trouble when people care more about the means of transport which a Minister uses to get to a meeting than they do about what he does or says when he arrives.
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John Deasy is a strange guy. He sound good and looks a bit like one of the American interns who go through this place at this time of the year. But, like his father, he's just a little bit scary.
Apparently he worked for the Republicans in the US for a few years and his close encounters with Bush and his people have clearly rubbed off. Most of the lads in Leinster House specialise in saying very little about anything most of the time. Not John .
He has a directness and self-confidence which is scary, and he's as right-wing as hell!
This week John told us how he would deal with drink and crime. He would, amongst other things, cut back on pub opening hours, up the legal age for drinking in pubs to 21, and ban alcohol at State functions. He repeated the ideas at the start of a shambolic Fine Gael private member's time debate on crime only to run into a full frontal attack from Michael McDowell. Michael is not a pretty sight when he starts spitting contempt at opponents but for once it was difficult to blame him.
The politics of drink is dangerous territory. Back in the early 1990s, Michael Smith and Brendan Howlin changed the law on drink-driving and even suggested that the new law might be enforced. All hell broke loose. They were accused of destroying the social fabric of rural Ireland. The bruises still show.
Most of us mortals, TDs included, think there is a problem with the use and abuse of alcohol in Ireland. But it's always someone else's problem, not ours. We will support measures to stop the guy down the road drinking to excess but not if it stops ordinary decent drinkers, like us, from enjoying a few "socials".
Drapier thinks that Deasy has lost the plot. We don't need new laws or new restrictions. But we do need to enforce the existing law. The law on under-age drinking is enforced patchily and the law on serving people who are already drunk isn't enforced at all.
A brace of "temporary closure orders" could do wonders for the pub trade. The experience with clamping in Dublin and penalty points on the roads shows what can be done if the authorities are serious about enforcing the law and seen to be so. But hands off the ordinary decent drinker!
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It was a busy week in Leinster House. The Social Welfare Bill is on its way through the Dáil, the Finance Committee has completed its annual marathon with the Finance Bill and Dermot Ahern has finally done something to stop Rupert Murdoch from buying up our sporting events. But none of this rates in conversations in the bar.
TDs are worried about one thing and one thing only - the dual mandate.
In principle, Martin Cullen is probably right. In practice, we are all worried sick about how it will turn out. Most TDs spend most of their time doing the work of local coucillors. We know that most of this work is pointless most of the time but we also know that we wouldn't be elected otherwise.
Make no mistake. The fact that TDs spend so much of their time on local work is driven by the electorate.
Drapier has been invited to plenty of meetings in the constituency dealing with county council matters where the county councillors themselves (the ones that are not TDs) weren't even invited. Martin Cullen has done a certain amount to persuade us that the end of the world is not yet nigh, but he will be hard pressed to persuade us that the expectations of the electorate can be changed by a change in the law.