Sir, - Both Anne Marie Blaney (October 23rd) and William Hunt (October 27th) refer to the effects of marital breakdown on children. Parents' attempts to protect children by hiding difficulties can be as damaging as the final breakdown itself.
Children are not stupid - far from it. They are very aware and supersensitive to the atmosphere around them. Where the atmosphere is warm, relaxed and loving they will thrive and become well adjusted, happy and secure adults. Where children sense conflict, tension and disharmony, they become insecure, threatened and afraid. Unless the situation is fully explained to them in a caring and unbiased way, their self-esteem suffers and this can result in depressed and unhappy adults.
Children need to be included at a level suited to their age. They need to be constantly reassured that the problem is not their fault and that both parents love them unconditionally. Where this constant explanation, inclusion and reassurance is received, perhaps the traumatic effects of the final separation may not be so great or so lasting.
Separation and divorce are facts of life for many. For the adults concerned they are traumatic. For the children they can lead to feelings of intense rejection which can stay with them throughout life and in turn affect their own relationships and marriages. To avoid this vicious circle, inclusion, constant reassurance and unconditional love are so important. Our children are our future - they deserve respect. - Yours, etc.,
Orla Farrell, Loreto Avenue, Rathfarnham, Dublin 14.