Sir, I would like to lay down the gauntlet to Gerard Downes (February 15th) in his nomination of Limerick as the European City of Litter.
I come from Lucan, where the Strawberry Beds sweep down to the Litter (see for yourself the fine regalia of tattered and shredded throw-away, one-use carrier bags worn with pride by the trees where the River Litter lazily flows out of Lucan towards the Big Smoke) and would like to nominate dear old Dirty Dublin for the honours.
In Dublin we have pure pedigree litterers; ignoramus vulgaris impunitus dublinicus bruscarus, or the greater-spotted litter lout. This is the real thoroughbred, the original of the species.
Dublin, having already earned its rightful place as a seat of learning in the craft of littering - and thus attracting spectacular coverage in the international media - has been recently crowned, perpetually, the City of Advanced Littering of the European Union. In celebration of this fact, all public places, instead of being decorated with flowers, are bedecked with the vibrant tones of CocaCola red, McDonald's yellow, John Player blue and Cadbury's purple.
The deftness and poise with which Dubliners litter, the right to which is enshrined and held sacred in our unwritten constitution, is a truly beautiful art form. Our cinema theatres are temples of litter, our car parks colosseums of filth, our roads and streets passages of squalor and our shopping centres meccas of conspicious consumption. Dublin wins hands down.
By way of consolation I would suggest that Limerick, as well as Cork, applies for the regional competitions. They both have enviable credentials. - Yours, etc.,
Barry McEvoy, Lucan, Co Dublin.