Sir, - Why is it so difficult to go out with a woman other than your wife? Once I introduced my sister to all in the company. They were very polite and shook hands with her and exchanged knowing winks with me. "Your sister - how come we never met her before?" was a popular question posed by the males. At the same time, she was undergoing interrogation for "incitement to carrying on" from the protective mothers of the male's children.
Was I the only male in the Point that night who brought his real sister? The truth was, I had been stood up by my daughter, who had decided Diana Ross was naff. My wife thought she was boring.
My daughter has now grown into a young woman. She is 17 and I am a lot more. I am tubby and balding, while she is coming into her prime. If we go out together, nobody believes she is my daughter. Last night the cinema usher showed us to the lovebirds double seats in the Screen on D'Olier Street. Ordinarily I wouldn't mind, but they are uncomfortable when you are with your daughter and have to sit apart.
Outside an old lady was up past her bedtime selling roses. In broken English she said: "You give a flower to your beautiful woman to say you love." I kept walking and she stood in my way. After five attempts I passed her.
Is it unknown for a man and his daughter to have a night out? Are the Pope and Bertie Ahern going to make it illegal? Is it a sin to enjoy each other's company? Will it cost more? More importantly, are the generations moving apart?
What would happen if I went for lunch with my mother? What would the waiter say if we booked a table for two? Would he give us a darkened corner and ask if we had need of the honeymoon suite? Would I still be forced to taste a bitter wine which owes more to the chemical industry than a vineyard? Because I am a male would I also automatically be presented with the bill?
Past Ashbourne on the way home, going a little fast, I nearly crashed the car when a camera flashed in the middle of nowhere at one o'clock in the morning. Sarah says we'll be sent a picture of ourselves and a blackmail demand for£50.