Sir, - It appears from various global indices, that we have the worst health service, the highest levels of illiteracy and alcohol abuse in the western world. Rather than invest in health and education to solve these problems, why don't we celebrate our handicaps in our own paddy whackery manner?
I suggest we spend the billion on the national stadium to host gladiatorial games. Old age pensioners on the waiting list for hip replacements would battle each other with their walking aids, relatives of the chronically ill, would race hospital trolley beds, - winners of each competition would win their desired medical treatment. Illiterates would attempt to read passages from Ulysses - whoever got the most laughs, would be awarded an education.
The open and closing entertainment would be provided by drunken pre-teens attempting to walk the high beam or other gymnastic feats. In the VIP viewing box Bertie Ahern and ministers of our great little nation would be happy in the knowledge that the spirit of GUBU is alive and well. - Yours, etc.,
John Devlin, Erne Terrace, Dublin 2.