Sir, - We have been following recent articles and correspondence on the subject of adoption assessment procedures with great interest and concern. Thus far, the voice of natural parents has not been heard. The Natural Parents Network of Ireland represents the interests of the parents whose children were placed for adoption in Ireland since 1952. More than 40,000 children born in Ireland had their identities changed and their birth records officially declared secret. More than 2,000 of these children were sent abroad for adoption - mostly to the United States.
Our organisation's motto is: "We never forget", and our members (whose ages range from the early 30s up to the mid-70s), are all either actively seeking our adult children or establishing a relationship with them post-reunion. For most, the search is long and frustrating. Many adoption societies did not keep proper records and/or gave false information to people who were seeking contact. They are also currently so inundated with search requests that a waiting list of one year is not unusual, and they follow arbitrary "rules" as to the minimum age of the adopted person (some as high as 26) before they will agree to commence a search. It is important that people should realise that there is no legal obligation on adoption societies to reveal the identity or whereabouts of adopted people or their natural mothers. This State-enforced secrecy is enshrined in the 1952 Adoption Act and all requests for a reform of this Act, including the setting up of a contact register, have so far fallen on the deaf ears of successive governments.
It is not until we succeed in finding our adult children that recurring nightmares can begin to recede: "What if my child wasn't happy in her adopted family?" Or even: "What if my child is dead?" Does it not seem cruel to put people through such daily suffering?
Through our collective experiences, and by meeting with many adult adopted people, we know that the "matching" of children and adoptive parents was not approached with care in the past - the records in some adoption societies are testimony to this. We further know that many children did not discover they were adopted until they were teenagers or adults, or received a very negative response from their adoptive parents when, as adults, they expressed a desire to find out about their origins. This often leads them to keeping their search a secret from their adoptive parents. It is important to acknowledge that the situation has improved somewhat, and that adoptions contracted nowadays mostly entail a promise by the adoptive parents to send a photograph of the child to the natural mother every few years, as well as some non-identifying information about how he or she is faring.
Some of our members are mothers whose children were sent to America for adoption, and we are therefore well aware of the horrendous problems they are encountering as they seek re-union with their children. We have, on occasion, helped some young American people to find their natural mothers. Just a few weeks ago, one such woman, after many years of searching, finally got access to her records, only to discover that her mother had died recently. She was understandably devastated.
Distance, legal and cultural differences create additional barriers. It is precisely because of our intimate knowledge of these American adoptions that we would urge great caution and care in the whole area of foreign adoptions. Should we not acknowledge that the pain of parting with a child is no less if one is a Chinese, Romanian or Russian woman? Or indeed that the circumstances which lead her to give her child away are precisely those which pertained in Ireland up until the 1980s? Should we not also realise that these children may grow up with a sense of confusion or detachment (however slight) unless they are given full knowledge about their natural parentage and are placed in adoptive families who will encourage and celebrate their cultural heritage?
Most women who have given their children up for adoption have kept their loss and grief to themselves. They rarely happily admit to it. That is why their voices are missing in this debate. And when they manage to establish contact with their adult children, they are afraid to publicly celebrate this for fear of causing tension with their child's adoptive parents. Adopted people are also loath to talk openly about their natural parents after they've found them for the same reason. What we are proposing is a truly open adoption process so that noone need ever be afraid again.
Secrets and lies, secrets and lies. Will we never learn? - Yours, etc., Bernie Harold,
Chairperson, Natural Parents Network of Ireland, Lanesboro, Co Longford.