Madam, - Keith Duggan reports that the former Scotland rugby coach Matt Williams has claimed he was dismissed from that job on racial grounds ( Sideline Cut, Sports, November 3rd). In so doing, he paints a crude caricature of his Celtic cousins as in-bred, haggis-bashing numpties - a portrayal that would not have looked out of place on the pages of a 19th-century edition of Punch.
Consider, if you will, his use of the following reductive symbols of Scottishness: tartan, haggis, whisky, the kilt, Bill McLaren, Billy Connolly, Kenny Dalglish, Rod Stewart, St Andrew's, Macbeth, Trainspottingand Gregory's Girl. Further, consider the negative epithets deployed in the course of his piece: suspicious, austere, menacing, stony, cold, stealthy, miserable, gloomy, forbidding, barbed, dark, caustic, craggy, impenetrable, eerie, melancholy, mysterious, clannish, tricky, ever-shifting and tight.
Now, transpose in your own mind, the Irish equivalents: shamrocks, leprechauns, Guinness, hairy bacon, rebels songs, Molly Malone, The Quiet Man, Father Ted, Keano, Boyzone, Magdalene Laundries, the IRA, brown envelopes, provisional licences and cocaine. As for the epithets, let's not even go there. So for these grievous offences, I propose for Mr Duggan an ancient Scottish torture. He should be locked in a cold, eerie and melancholy dungeon where ear-splitting bagpipe music, courtesy of the clannish Seaforth Highlanders regimental band, is piped in. He should then be nailed to the floor, preventing him from tapping his feet. Guardians of Guantánamo, please note.
Duggan did, however, make one telling observation when he noted that the Scots are usually "happy enough with their place in the sporting pantheon as dark horses". And he is right to pinpoint the 1978 World Cup as the historical moment when that lesson was seared into the Scottish consciousness. Which is why our temporary elevation to the highest echelon of European soccer hasn't got us losing the run of ourselves like some others we could mention. It's also why most Scots view with wry detachment the quaint Irish habit of burdening their sports teams with expectations widely at variance with their modest talents.
Homeward, Mr Duggan - tae think again! - Yours, etc,
BERT WRIGHT, Hillside, Dalkey, Co Dublin.