The Twelfth and the Republic

Madam, – Let me get this straight

Madam, – Let me get this straight. The Twelfth, in honour of Dutch William’s victory, becomes the Orange Free State’s new national holiday. Brian, facing meltdown,  leads his Soldiers of Destiny to inaugurate the New Republic from Crossmaglen northwards.

New Boundary Commission secures a peaceful population exchange. Boyne waters returned to rightful owners who draw upon old Dutch hydro-engineering expertise to drain Shannon into Dublin. William's successor visits to appoint someone to the Vice-Regal Lodge. Mary starts her third Presidential term at Stormont. Queen invites Pope to celebrate with another Te Deumin the Sistine Chapel.

Glad I’ve got that cleared up. It’s so easy to lose touch when you’re away for a while. – Yours, etc,

EDDIE FINNEGAN,

Wightman Road,

London  N4 1RJ.