MAGPIE:MAGPIE IS a bit of an old love bird, so . . . for the weekend that's in it . . .
Australian statisticians at the School of Mathematics and Statistics at the University of New South Wales have created a formula predicting the best time to propose. The equation takes into account the age at which you start looking, and the oldest you want to be when tying the knot.
The equation, which promises a 40 per cent success rate, goes as follows:
1. Choose the oldest age by which you want to get married, for example, 39. Call this “n”.
2. Decide the earliest age at which you’ll start to consider a potential spouse, for example, 20. This age becomes “p”.
3. Subtract “p” from “n” (39 - 20), then multiply the result by 0.368. This equals 6.992.
4. Add this to your minimum age.
Result: 27 is your optimal proposal age.
The “n” and “p” bit I get (sort of), but where did the 0.368 come from? Dunno. Ask Tony Dooley, the stat man behind the wheeze. “Applying maths to matters of the heart is always a dangerous prospect. In human life when you’re dealing with emotions, you have to think much harder,” says the professor. “But if you want to work out the right moment to start getting serious, then this actually gives you a mathematical framework to think about it.”
Thanks, but I think I’ll stick with lust and animal instinct.
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MEANWHILE, A mathematics tutor at Warwick University has completed a thesis on the probability of ever finding true love. Peter Backus is the author of a controversial thesis: Why I Don’t Have A Girlfriend (A ‘does what it says on the tin’ sort of title, no?). In it, Backus estimates that our chances of finding love are just one in 285,000.
By applying to singledom Prof Drake’s opaque but of course exceedingly well known theory of astrophysics, N = R* x Fp x Ne x Fi x Fc x L (in which the pioneering scientist predicted that there could be 10,000 civilisations in our galaxy), Backus has discovered that out of the 30 million women in the UK, only 26 would make suitable girlfriends for him.
This seems odd, as Backus appears to be the sort of bloke to whom females might apply the term “beefcake” (see Google images if you don’t believe me). And guess what happened when one of his students put the paper onto an internet chatroom?
“My in-box was rammed with e-mails from one day to the next,” says Backus. “People were writing to me from all over the world . . . women saying they would be my girlfriend, and men explaining how to manipulate women into being the people you want them to be. A woman in Brazil proposed marriage, and a TV producer got in touch about possibly using the thesis as the foundation for a TV show.”
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MEANWHILE, BACK at the office (or should that be The Office? think Ricky Gervais . . .). The results of a survey of 1,836 people published this week has found what annoys people in their offices. Here’s the top 10:
grumpy or moody colleagues (37 per cent); slow computers (36); small talk/gossip in the office (19); use of office jargon or management-speak (18); people speaking loudly on the phone (18); too much health and safety in the workplace (16); poor toilet etiquette (16); people not turning up for meetings on time or at all (16); people not tidying up after themselves in the kitchen (15); too cold/cold air conditioning (15).
The most annoying jargon: thinking outside the box (21); let’s touch base (20); drill down to a more granular level (15); I’ve got that on my radar (13); push the envelope (12); and finally, get all your ducks in a row (11).
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AND FINALLY, an Arab ambassador has had his marriage annulled after discovering his veiled wife-to-be had a beard and was cross-eyed.
The diplomat had only met the woman a few times, during which she had hidden her face behind a niqab, according to the Sun. He told an Islamic Sharia court in the United Arab Emirates that he was tricked into the marriage.
Forget magic equations . . . he shudda gone to Specsavers.