Newton's Optic:As Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor welcomes Tony Blair into the Catholic Church, Newton Emersoneavesdrops on a poignant Rite of Acceptance
Cardinal Murphy-O'Connor: "What do you ask of God's Church?"
Tony Blair: "Faith."
MO'C: "What does faith offer you?"
TB: "Eternal life."
MO'C: "This is eternal life: to know the one true God and Jesus Christ. If then you wish to become his disciple, you must be guided by the fullness of the truth he has revealed to us."
TB: "Well, of course I'll accept guidance, but you can't just go around 'revealing' the truth you know. Could I speak to Alistair about this?"
MO'C: "No. Are you ready to accept these teachings of the Gospel?"
TB: "I accept that a religious ethos can improve teaching, but only if it's what parents in the local area want."
MO'C: "Father of Mercy, we thank you for this servant. You have sought and summoned him in many ways and he has turned to seek you."
TB: "Cormac, really, that's very flattering in a general sort of a way but you can't call people 'servants' in this day and age. What about 'spiritual migrants'?"
MO'C: "Come forward now to receive the sign of your new way of life as a catechumen."
TB: "A catechumen? What is that? Is it someone from the Baltic? I didn't realise this would actually turn me into a servant."
MO'C: "Receive the cross on your forehead. It is Christ himself who now strengthens you with this sign of his love."
TB: "Gosh."
MO'C: "Confirmo te chrismate salutis, in nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti."
TB: "Have you ever thought about trying that in Mandarin? It's the language of the future you know. You could take a GNVQ Level 4 at your nearest city academy. They do hairdressing as well."
MO'C: "I will now call you to Confirmation. Come forward and light a candle from the paschal candle."
TB: "Yes, there are rather a lot of candles in here. Have you had a health and safety audit? Technically, this is a workplace."
MO'C: "As once you received the Light of Christ in baptism, be reminded now: You are the light of the world. Let your light shine before others, so that seeing your good works they may glorify God in heaven."
TB: "Golly, Cormac, that's very kind of you to say so but this Middle Eastern job is really just a little thing to tide me over before the memoirs come out."
MO'C: "You may now receive the sacraments. May this body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ preserve your soul unto life everlasting."
TB: "This is the actual body and blood now, isn't it? Sorry, this is the bit I've still got trouble with. Couldn't we just say it's symbolic?"
MO'C: "No. Lord Jesus Christ, we welcome this new catechumen into our Church. The whole community welcomes you with love."
TB: "Communities are certainly welcome, especially renewed communities. I love communities. Are you absolutely sure about this literal body and blood thing though? I could have a word with the Pope about it. Alistair has him on speed-dial."
MO'C: "Thanks be to Christ, Mr Blair, that will be all. You may now recite the homily."
TB: "New Labour! New Britain! New Catholic! Cheers, Cormac. Amen."