NEWTON'S OPTIC: NOW THAT any aspect of the Budget can be overturned by an angry mob, why should health, education and poverty get all the attention? And why should pensioners, farmers and bishops have all the fund? If you belong to any of the following special interest groups, then you too can join the popular uprsing, writes Newton Emerson
Sales directors
Tax relief on company cars has been cut for high-emission vehicles. This is a direct attack on the most inadequate people in society. Meet outside John Gormley's office and block him in with a Vauxhall Vectra.
Holiday home owners
A €200 tax has been introduced on holiday homes. If you own a holiday home, assemble outside Éamon Ó Cuív's office for a weekend protest. Remember to bring milk and bread but there should be tea or coffee left from last time.
Secret agents
Funding for the Secret Service has been cut by 14 per cent. If you work for the Secret Service, meet in a café opposite Willie O'Dea's office. Code-word: "moustache".
Normal cyclists
Who needs €1,000 of tax relief to buy a bicycle? Only the sort of lycra-clad fanatic who gives cycling a bad name. Normal cyclists should meet outside Noel Dempsey's office and ring their bells disapprovingly.
Landfill victims
The landfill remediation programme has been cut by 63 per cent. Objectors should gather early outside John Gormleys office, to catch him when he arrives on his €1,000 bicycle.
Frequent flyers
Children under two are exempt from the new air passenger tax. If you think people should be discouraged from flying with small children, meet outside Mary Harney's office for a mass wail-in.
Antique collectors
Tax relief on the donation of heritage items to the State has been capped at 80 per cent. Owners of these items should threaten to burn down one-fifth of the National Gallery.
National Gallery staff
Funding for the National Gallery has been cut by 3 per cent. Be sure to mention this to any antique collectors you meet on your way out to the picket.
Celtic mythologists
How can Fianna Fáil close the salmon conservation scheme? Dont they know the legend of Finn McCool and the salmon of knowledge? Dont they know that he was leader of the Fianna? Protesters should gather outside Brendan Smith's office and taunt him with bardic poetry.
Prisoners
The prison budget has been cut by 5 per cent. If you are in prison, call Dermot Ahern on your mobile phone and tell him you will be outside his office in four to eight weeks.
Erotica snobs
The Censorship of Publications Board and the Office of Film Classification have been merged. If you draw a distinction between written and visual pornography, hang around outside Dermot Ahern's office in a dirty raincoat.
Xenophobes
The Asian Development Fund has been increased by 50 per cent. March on Peter Power's office if you think that Asia is quite developed enough already.
Domesticated animals
The Horse and Greyhound Racing Fund has been cut by 10 per cent. If you are a horse, meet with others to say neigh.