OPINION:The only person who could remember a time when Abba were in the charts was strictly forbidden to sing, writes Ann Marie Hourihane
THE AUTHORITIES impose a very strict code on adults who wish to go to Mamma Mia!, the film of Abba's back catalogue of songs. Fleeing into the nearest cinema as rain belted down on Dún Laoghaire's Festival of World Cultures - well, Abba were Swedish, and Mamma Mia! is set in Greece - the only person present who could remember a time when Abba were actually in the charts was strictly forbidden to sing.
No singing at all, the authorities said. They maintained this policy throughout the afternoon, not even permitting a light hum on the street once Mamma Mia! was finished.
And I know all the words to every song.
There is nothing tougher than the under-13s out with an elderly relative. If they're not forbidding you to sing they are criticising you for eating your popcorn too fast.
They sit on either side of you and cast you supervisory glances throughout the performance. Just checking. They sigh when you have to go to the Ladies, but luckily forbear to accompany you there.
They hold their breath every time you speak to a stranger in order to ask directions or, perhaps, to seek the privilege of paying the same amount of money for sweets and drinks as it took to get the four of you into the cinema in the first place. As you return to them after these rather banal encounters, with a hopeful expression on your face, you can see that they are relieved to have you back within their control. They don't smile at you. "Come along," they say, wearily.
One could not help wondering exactly who was in charge of this expedition. I suppose dogs must feel like this all the time: you know that you are in charge of the group, yet the group does not seem to appreciate this, or to acknowledge your vital role in its communal survival. Everyone is taking this so seriously, when in your doggy heart you know it's just a laugh.
When the expedition set out you believed that you were much smarter than them, but they treat you like you're really dumb, so now you are beginning to doubt yourself and your special talents. Truly, it is the parents I feel sorry for.
However, it is our generation that has the last laugh at Mamma Mia! The script is pretty well non-existent, but insofar as there is a story it ostensibly revolves around a young girl, who has two very supportive girlfriends, and her dream of finding her father. But the truth of the matter lies in the title, because it is really about the young girl's mum, who also has two very supportive girlfriends, and the alleged fact that it is never too late to find love.
Abba music managed to make even the 1970s bearable (well, sort of) and it still sends endorphins surging, and gets you so high (as Abba would put it) that you hardly notice the fact that Mamma Mia! is not a well-made film. But in this Abba have some very impressive assistance, because in the title role we have Meryl Streep. After Mamma Mia! even those few remaining souls on the planet who were not her fans are now her willing slaves.
The thing is, from the moment she comes on screen, in dungarees and flat shoes and several earrings, Meryl looks so relaxed that everyone else seems kind of neurotic. What happened to Meryl? She used to be such a focused performer that even her love scenes were terrifying. But middle age has worked for her.
Nowadays watching Meryl driving a jeep or stroking her screen daughter's hair is like watching Gary Cooper walking up the street of some one horse town, or the young Judy Garland playing with a song - you can't believe that anything could be so right.
But the problem is that Meryl, her beautiful Dutch face unruffled by angst, even when she's crying her eyes out, makes her two very supportive girlfriends look less than comfortable.
Her two very supportive girlfriends are played by Julie Walters and Christine Baranksi - senior character actors. Yet both seem to play some sort of gay-man-in-drag version of lively womanhood. Why are sexually active women over 30 always reminiscent of a drag act when portrayed in popular entertainment? One thinks particularly of Samantha in Sex and the City. The Sex and the City series was largely written and produced by gay men, whereas Mamma Mia!, the musical, has always been celebrated as a great success for its all-female creators.
Still, it was embarrassing to see Julie Walters crawling over rooftops singing Take a Chance on Me. You could see the authorities didn't like it, but to hell with them, I didn't like it either. And Christine Baranski's main number, set on a beach where she is turning down an eager young man, is more reminiscent of those middle-aged women looking for eager young men on the beaches of Barbados.
But, between Meryl and Abba, Mamma Mia! will cheer you up, even if you don't go to one of the special singalong screenings which have sprung up round the country. Even the authorities liked it; although they were not keen on any singing in the car on the way home.