The report in The Irish Times is a piece of fiction.
- The chairman of the In- dependent Commission on the RUC, Chris Patten, on a report in this paper that preliminary drafts of the commission report recommended that the force be effectively disbanded
Nobody was threatened with being kneecapped or anything like that. But the analysis went like this: players were told that if they went into a local bar republicans couldn't guarantee their safety if somebody attacked them, that they couldn't "mind them" all the time.
- An unnamed source on the "analysis" republicans offered Donegal Celtic players if the game against the RUC went ahead
The child knows me well and who I am. I have tried to look after the child and her mother as best I can and used only my own resources. Nothing from the parish or the diocese was ever used to support them. I hope to continue to support them.
- Omagh priest Father Anthony McAnerney, who ad- mitted being a father
I really fancy the drummer from U2. I'll stay home with him any night.
- Boy George
I cannot believe the size of her butt. If she does appear in Playboy, it will have to be an extra big edition.
- The actress Joan Collins, on Monica Lewinsky
Hi, handsome. I couldn't bear the idea of sitting down to write you another note, so I thought I'd tape it.
- A tape Monica Lewinsky made with the intention of sending it to President Clinton
Certainly I feel it was my doing, to be honest.
- The Independent TD for South Kerry, Jackie Healy-Rae, on his county's inclusion in the application for maximum EU funding
Jackie Healy-Rae is running the show. He is running Fianna Fail. It's kind of obvious. That's the way it seems.
- The Fianna Fail TD for Carlow-Kilkenny, Liam Aylward, who expressed bitter disappointment at the exclusion of both counties
I just can't rest until I bring poor JoJo home. I know JoJo. I know she would have done the same for me.
- Mary Phelan, on her sister, JoJo Dullard, who went missing three years ago
You'd be doing well to get 400 pennies.
- Judge Desmond Windle, to a solicitor who suggested compensation of £400 for a family who found a fly in their bottle of orange drink. Judge Windle awarded just £8
I think everyone understands that this is the last go-around as far as Saddam is concerned. He has had every opportunity to comply . . . We will see if his deeds match his words.
- The US Defence Secretary, William Cohen
I hope you'll have as much fun reading about my life as I have f---ing it up.
- The foreword to singer Robbie Williams's new book Let Me Entertain You
I believe that gods actually exist on another plane. I have seen them and spoken with them.
- Witch Silja Muller
I announced yesterday an increase in charges for private rooms in public hospitals. Let me make it absolutely clear that I have no apologies to make for this increase.
- The Minister for Health, Brian Cowen, in the Dail on Thursday