ON THE COUCH:On a day of big matches in Leitrim and Port Elizabeth, Liam Brady has regrets for backing the oranje

SPAIN V PORTUGAL ended around 9.30 on Tuesday night and Netherlands v Brazil didn’t start until four seconds past three yesterday afternoon. It’s often claimed, erroneously, that Aristotle was talking about water pumps when he declared that nature abhors a vacuum, when the truth is he was actually referring to World Cup rest days. A complete and utter waste of valuable living space.

At last, Friday. The Big Match. An expectant crowd, a sea of colour, household names at every turn, the emotion, the excitement, the passion. We wish Brian and Amy well in their married life, but what on earth were they thinking of timing their wedding for a World Cup quarter-final day?

So then, from St Joseph’s Church in Aughavas, Co Leitrim to Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium in Port Elizabeth, one of life’s wackier journeys, for the other big match.

It dawned on us during the anthems that we know the Brazilian tune almost as well as our own. Not the words, just the air. Which reminds us of our favourite World Cup anthem moment: “That shows the focus and concentration of the Spanish players, no one sang the anthem,” said ITV’s Clive Tyldesley as a tight-lipped Spain side stood to attention before their game against Chile. There are no words. Literally. The Spanish anthem is lyric-less.

On ITV Adrian Chiles told us that Lucio, the Brazilian captain, played 400 minutes in the last World Cup without commiting a foul, a fact that would probably have had Big Jack choking on his custard creams in his armchair back home.

Lucio, though, had toughened up, Adrian reassured us, and was no longer disinclined to put his boot in, so to speak. Back on RTÉ, Ronnie Whelan was similarly impressed by the big lad, declaring his partnership with “Joanne” in the centre of defence to be a solid one.

“But the Brazilians are short of typical Brazilians,” Adrian complained to Kevin Keegan. Kev agreed wholeheartedly. “They have got skill and flair, to be fair – but in the wrong places.”

Once we got up and running, though, the flair, to be fair, was there, in all the right-up-front places, Brazil leaving the niggly unpleasant stuff to the non-footballers further back. By half-time Liam Brady was half sorry he’d back the Dutch to win the World Cup, partly because he objected to their part in a “nasty match”, partly because he thought they’d lose.

But then, for the Brazilians at least, the game transformed in to the shape of a pear, Felipe Melo’s contribution of an own-goal and a sending off unlikely ever to be forgiven or forgotten in his home country, or by those who have the creature in their World Cup Fantasy Football teams.

“Crash bang wallop, your world literally falls apart,” said Andy Townsend of the moment Melo’s studs made contact with Arjen Robben’s leg – “stamped on” being the technical term. Kev nodded. “Until then you could only see one winner, then it went flip-flop, then Holland.”

Back on RTÉ Liam Brady, for a man whose World Cup bet was still alive, seemed awful depressed about the flip-flop. He’s never actually told us how much he wagered on the Dutch back when their odds were rather large, but we have detected in him a nervous excitement that suggests he’d be able to buy Cesc Fabregas back from Barcelona not long after Arsenal sell him. And that’s a lot of loot.

“Football was a loser today, it was a horrible game,” he sighed, “I put my money on Holland but I wish I hadn’t, they’re trying to kick their way to the final as far as I’m concerned.” Not that he absolved Brazil of all kicking blame, “the pair of them were at it”. True too. Those hoping for Total Samba football got a crank-fest.

Liam had cheered up, though, by the time he was previewing Ghana v Uruguay for Bill O’Herlihy. He tipped Ghana, but worried that they’d suffer for the loss of suspended pair Andre Ayew and Jonathan Mensah. “Ah you has been very impressive,” he said to Bill. “Thanks very much Liam, but your grammar is atrocious,” said the blushing Cork man. Jesting.

But Liam stood by his tip, Ghana to prevail. “He’s been right an awful lot, but this is where he hits the wall,” said The Dunph, who, by half-time, was begging Liam to give him a loan of his crystal ball.

By then, even after Diego “couldn’t hit a barn door when he was at Manchester United” Forlan equalised, we were way too pre-occupied adding up the points Melo’s Misadventures had cost our dream team, a safe bet we were told he was. Like ourselves, the lad is probably in need of a rest day to recover from the trauma.