Outrage at Donnybrook! But did the horses bolt or the children scatter? Just ooh was that Frenchman? Didn't see him? Non? Didn't see him do it? Eee was the one who took ees thingy out of ees shorts and did the pee pee against the hoarding before ee went on as a substitute for Stade Francais.

Yes we know it's difficult to come into a European Cup match from the bench. We know the nerves start to jangle. We know he's probably been hydrating himself on the sidelines. And we know that if you gotta go, then you've gotta go. But in front of 7,000 spectators? Uuh! Somebody bring in a rugby law quickly.