PLANET SOCCER:IT'S THAT time of year again, Christmas inches ever closer, so we've been checking out what fun football gifts you can buy your beloveds.

Gone are the days, it would seem, that duvet covers and slippers made up the bulk of clubs' merchandising catalogues, imagination has run riot.

Chelsea, for example, are selling a club toaster that brands each slice of toast with "CFC". Brilliant.

Manchester City, meanwhile, offer a Christmas Surfing Reindeer (one size only) in their catalogue - since when did reindeer surf? - but, unlike Juventus, they aren't yet selling that most seasonal of gifts, model tractors. Bayern Munich, though, offer the most unique of gift ranges. Not only can you buy an official Bayern Munich "Dental Hygiene Mug" you can even purchase "Bayern Munich Snuff" ("not suitable for children"). Happy shopping.

Quotes of the week

"I don't want to diminish anyone who travels on the bus, but I haven't done that for a long time."

- Robinho, categorically denying reports that he was spotted on a Manchester bus.

"Very funny, ha ha ha ha ha."

- Robinho again, this time denying that he's learning English by watching Coronation Street.

"Who would refuse Lyon? Me, I would go there on foot to sign. For the moment, they haven't called me. But I do not hide the fact that I am happy a big club is interested in me."

- Pascal Chimbonda, fully committed to Sunderland's relegation battle.

"People are always going on about the nice football Arsenal play but if you look at the last few years, who's won the trophies? Know what I mean?"

- We do Joe, we do (Chelsea's Joe Cole, that is).

Hint of reality in club fragrances

LAST WEEK the Mirrorwrote about the new fragrance for men launched by Liverpool, L4Men, and compared it to the team itself, suggesting that "at first it smells brilliant, but soon fades to nothing".

The Anorak website, meanwhile, described the fragrance as a blend of "the intense freshness of Robbie Keane and the garlic-infused sparkle of Fernando Torres".

They suggested Sunderland bring out their own fragrance with the name Emerald - "Low tones of wet Labrador mingle with the bitter aftertaste of prawn sandwiches and regurgitated Guinness."

As for Newcastle, they reckoned "Humiliation" was the appropriate name for their scent, and should come in a "bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag, wrapped in black and white striped gloss". The spray, they said, would coat "the wearer in the warm glow of delusion". Harsh.

More quotes of the week

"He's made Darren Bent a better player, and that's down to one word - man management."

- TalkSport pundit Jason Cundy loses count while heaping praise on Harry Redknapp.

"You can't beat Sinatra. I was actually supposed to have dinner with him one night, but we lost to Charlton so I cancelled and went home. I wasn't in the mood to meet anybody that night so I went back home on the bus."

- Regrets? Alex Ferguson has one: not turning up for dinner with Frank Sinatra.

"Switching off on a Sunday after a defeat doesn't happen. That's normal - as a manager you shouldn't be getting up and having fried eggs and black pudding if you lose. I always go to mass. Win and you say 'thank you', lose and you say 'give us a result' and put an extra 20 quid in the tray."

- Roy Keane . . . before Saturday's game. We're guessing by yesterday he put his players' wages in the tray.

"I don't think that it's a good idea to make friends with people in football. There is no deep relationship between football players."

- Celtic goalkeeper Artur Boruc explaining why he goes straight home after training.

"He is lively and takes some handling. We miss his fines - if he'd stayed another couple of years he could probably have paid for a new training ground."

- Bolton manager Gary Megson on the club's drop in income since selling El Hadji Diouf to Sunderland.

"It is easy for me to talk about him because he is like a son to me. I remember every moment we spent together - from when I wanted him at Chelsea and he first arrived at Stamford Bridge, to the cup final at Wembley when he hugged me before his team-mates, seeking me out like crazy in the locker room."

- Jose Mourinho on Didier Drogba. Heavens above, feel the love.

Chopper puts the boot in on pink

WHEN WE first laid eyes on Nicolas Anelka and Nicklas Bendtner's pink boots only one question entered our minds: what would Ron "Chopper" Harris make of them? Well, we got our answer.

"Pink is a woman's colour, or so my missus tells me," declared Chopper. "If I'd worn pink boots in those days people would have thought I was a funny person. But it's the way things are nowadays. They'll be wearing them on Hackney Marshes next week."

Chopper did admit, though, that if a sponsor had paid him a million pounds in his day he might have considered wearing pink - but most definitely not white "because the blood would have shown up on the toecaps". Nice.

Ray Parlour also had his say on the pink boots issue, insisting that not for every teabag in China would he have worn them. "I'm not being funny but if I was marking someone with pink boots I'd definitely want to kick him hard," he said.

Bendtner is unrepentant, though, revealing that he dreamt of playing in pink since he was a young boy. "I think it's an outstanding colour and looks amazing," he said. "The only way they can beat me now is to play in diamond-encrusted boots - and I don't think that's going to happen for a few years."

Give Cristiano time, Nicklas.