Dallaglio logic and Ibañez darts crooked as a Picasso

TV View: It might not have been his intention but Tom McGurk prompted a lively exchange in the living-room on Saturday night…

TV View: It might not have been his intention but Tom McGurk prompted a lively exchange in the living-room on Saturday night, when, after showing highlights of Wasps being Munstered, he declared, "Though I walk through the valley of death I will fear no evil, for I am the meanest son of a bitch in the valley."

The dispute that followed centred on the identity of the author of these fine words, Armchair number one insisting it was a chap by the name of Joel Rosenberg. Armchairs two, three and four, however, opted unanimously for Anthony Foley, although Jerry Flannery was also given some consideration.

Before Saturday Wasps supporters might have thought the meanest son of a bitch in the valley was Lawrence Dallaglio, but if they'd heard his chat with Marian Finucane that morning, when he was sinbinned on several occasions for attempting to make light of Carpetgate, when President McAleese, shamefully, had to walk on the grass in 2003 to say hello to the Ireland team, they'd have realised he's actually the meekest pussycat in the valley.

He was also, incidentally, very nearly Picasso's son-in-law, which you can't say for many blindside flankers, his wife's mother the Spanish doodler's muse, the subject of 40 of his portraits.

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Having learnt this on Saturday morning we decided Dallaglio was actually a nice but misunderstood man, no longer just behind Cromwell and ahead of Jim Davidson in our list of Britons we don't like a great deal.

But put the fella in a post-match interview room and he's up with there with Olly and Jim all over again. Even the Sky Sports lads ended up having a giggle at his post-match semi-insinuation that Wasps might have won if Simon Shaw hadn't been binned for a bit.

"Are you SERIOUSLY saying that if Simon Shaw hadn't gone off you'd have won?" as Graham Simmons put it to him.

"Er, no, but . . . ," said Dallaglio.

Back in the studio Reggie Corrigan and Dallaglio's former international colleague Dewi Morris were having a giggle, Morris insisting, "It's not sour grapes, it's bitter melons."

While we think Paul Wallace, out on the touchline, agreed with Dewi we can't be sure, the combination of the rather exuberant PA man at Thomond Park and the torrents of rain making it seem like he was communicating with us from the bottom of a swimming pool.

Back in the dry and warmth of Montrose, Tom, George Hook and Brent Pope were aglow.

"Who was that fella who played in the number 10 shirt at the World Cup?" asked Tom in reference to Ronan O'Gara.

"Ah yeah, but O'Gara's playing in the womb now, the safety of the Munster womb," said George.

"Munster players have always enjoyed going back to the bosom of rugby there," said Brent.

"The bosom?" said Tom.

"The bosom, the womb," Brent shrugged, as if they were much of a muchness, leaving us wondering where their biological tour would take them next.

If you dropped in late to the programme you might have been left wondering about the next exchange.

George: "I never understand why people pick French hookers." Tom: "You think they're all crooked?"

George: "Why anyone would pay them money to go out there is beyond me."

Tom: "What stood out for you Brent?"

"Well, it wasn't the French hookers, who would pay them?"

The panel did, though, feel they'd got their money's worth from Munster, but that Wasps deserved a refund from Raphaël Ibañez, their French hooker - "the worst thrower-in of a ball in the world", as George's tribute went.

From here we went to a preview of the Six Nations, George doffing his cap to Eddie O'Sullivan's squad selection by pointing out he had chosen free-spirited players who would address their coach thus: "Yes Eddie, no Eddie, three bags full, Eddie."

"And at the peak of his form a number years ago Johnny O'Connor was an average international seven," he added buoyantly, when the omission of Keith Gleeson was raised.

Absolute optimism, harmony and togetherness, then, as we approach Six Nations-time, precisely the same spirit you'll find at Newcastle this weather after the return of Kev "they're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that" Keegan.

We were promised a goalfest by Setanta on Saturday evening when Newcastle hosted Bolton because of Kev's famed preference for a 1-1-8 formation, but we got 0-0. Bitter lemons all round. So dull was the fare we felt we'd aged considerably by the full-time whistle.

Mary Hannigan

Mary Hannigan

Mary Hannigan is a sports writer with The Irish Times