On The Premiership: Peter Crouch has vowed to dive into the Kop when he finally scores his first goal for Liverpool but, as his quest drifts into a fourth month, he must rather feel like jumping from the top of it.
It is now 18 games for club and country since Crouch last made the net bulge, a miserable record that hangs heavily around the striker's painfully thin shoulders. He could have cast off the millstone by scoring a penalty against his old club Portsmouth on Saturday, but Jamie Ashdown's sprawling save ensured another blank weekend. Crouch may have celebrated when Bolo Zenden scored from the rebound, but his expression was hangdog.
Proof of Crouch's battered confidence came when he was asked to describe his botched spot-kick. "I decided where I was going to hit it," he recalled, "but changed my mind at the last moment."
As decisions go, it is the equivalent of a batsman deciding to sweep rather than drive as the ball lands in a foot-hole outside his off-stump. Both choices court disaster, and on Saturday Crouch jumped into bed with catastrophe.
The striker has never before endured such a rotten run, but it is not the first time his value has been questioned. Crouch simply does not look like a footballer, although it is not so much his height that astonishes but his bulk, or lack of it. For the record, Crouch is 6ft 7in (200cm) and weighs under 12st (76kg). Jan Koller, the colossal Czech Republic striker, is just as tall but almost five stone (32kg) heavier.
Crouch resembles Jack Skellington, the stick-thin, gaunt-eyed anti-hero of Tim Burton's A Nightmare Before Christmas, and his current form is equally frightening.
Crouch cannot help the fact he is tall and thin, but it makes him an easy target. He should draw inspiration from that other famous footballing beanpole, Niall Quinn. The Dubliner was similarly ridiculed when he took his first tentative steps as a teenager with Arsenal. He needed a move to Manchester City, and a subsequent rush of goals, to earn credibility.
Crouch is not capitalising on his special talents. It is assumed he is a threat in the air but Graham Taylor, the manager who signed the striker for Aston Villa in 2002, has observed that Crouch's enormous height has actually blunted his aerial menace. Standing literally head and shoulders above his markers, Crouch simply has to wait for the ball to arrive. He has never learnt how to time a run or generate his own power from his neck muscles. What should be a strength has arguably become a weakness.
England's recent friendly against Argentina threw up a pointed contrast. Sven-Goran Eriksson's striking giant in Geneva was not Crouch but the diminutive Michael Owen. The Newcastle striker snatched victory for England with two textbook headers that should provide his strike partner with food for thought.
The second was particularly deft, Owen perfectly co-ordinating his run and leap to meet Joe Cole's delicious cross. Crouch should have marvelled at this eloquent expression of the striker's art but, given that he was attempting to rugby tackle his team-mate in mid-air at the time, his lesson will have to be learned from the video footage.
It is not too late for Crouch to reverse his fortunes. Despite his lack of goals, he has made decisive contributions to Liverpool, and provided two assists on Saturday alone. He may be shot-shy, but defenders swarm around him whenever he plays, liberating his fellow strikers. Importantly, he still has the support of those team-mates. Djibril Cisse was the first to grab the ball after Liverpool were awarded their penalty, but it was soon transferred to Crouch after consultations with Zenden and Steven Gerrard.
The crowd, too, has kept faith. The roar of anticipation that swept around Anfield as Crouch began his run up was intended to placate rather than pressurise, although in hindsight it may not have been the ideal soundtrack to such a pivotal moment in the striker's career. Indecision reigned.
This support should prove reassuring for a striker in need, but what Crouch requires is the continued backing of Rafael Benitez. The Spaniard's public confidence has remained unwavering, but can it last? Benitez favours a squad-rotation system, but to drop Crouch now could burn up his last remaining drops of confidence. Yet to continue picking him regardless of his barren form sends out a worrying message to his other strikers. Morientes would be particularly piqued if he was denied a starting place by a striker who cannot score.
On Tuesday, Real Betis travel to Merseyside for a Champions League group game. Liverpool need a point to ensure qualification for the knockout stage. Anfield expects.
Crouch has his cue, but if he fluffs his lines again, it may be some time before he is granted another leading role.