If you think that the lads at Laboratoires Garnier were the people you had to thank for that waterproof mascara with vitamin E and polyceramides then think again. It's actually thanks to hard work and in-depth research of the "ladies who swim" that we can now all watch Bambi without ending up looking like Alice Cooper.

It has taken years of sculling and submerged backwards rotations to perfect the sort of slap that can withstand even the toughest test. And if you ask me the reduction of time lost to the fairer sex through that tedious charade that is the application of make-up could well leave us with enough time on our hands to go out and change this goddam world after all - or at least complain a little bit.

It's made a serious contribution to the fight for equality, this synchronised swimming lark, you know. First waterproof make-up, then watertight body hair removal strategies. Soon all of those little worries that keep us girls tied up for so long in the bathroom will be a thing of the past. Watch out boys, we're rouged, we're hairless, and we're able to float in a starfish shape.

So, scoff if you like at the perma-smiles and the plastic-flowered hair-pieces, these wet women are our sisters. They are leading the revolution - and they are doing it in a very orderly, attractive formation.