GOLF RYDER CUP OPENING CEREMONY:THE OPENING Ceremony at the Ryder Cup is strictly hard-core tedium for the ambivalent and it's difficult not to accept the notion that it should come cellophane wrapped, languishing on a top shelf with other x-rated material. It's a cornucopia of name-checking, uncomfortable shuffling and speeches that lay claim to cherishing the Corinthian values of the sport. It's passion by autocue.
The latest straight-to-DVD production at Celtic Manor was symptomatic of the genre that relies heavily on formula and protocol. It’s not easy to lighten such a cumbersome format and it’s usually done inadvertently. If only Nick Faldo could make a speech biennially.
Sky Sports productions are not noted for brevity but even they balked at transmitting the entire ceremony, instead joining proceedings some hour and a quarter into the process. Spectators commandeered hill and vale for some easy listening, Welsh style. Only Men Aloud, a Welsh male choir, Katherine Jenkins and one time X-Factor finalist Rhydian Roberts sang some hymns and arias for which Wales is celebrated.
All pleasant things come to an end and soon it was time for the pageantry and speechifying, signified by the arrival of the wives and girlfriends, backroom teams, vice-captains and blazers before the European and American teams strode with purpose and just the right amount of straight-faced gravitas to the dais.
Europe, spearheaded by captain Colin Montgomerie, lined up in alphabetical order while the American parade might have been decided by who got dressed first.
That lack of structure from team USA came back to haunt their captain Corey Pavin who, when introducing his team later went straight from Tiger Woods to Rickie Fowler, leaving a bemused Stewart Cink, sitting in between them, in limbo.
Pavin played a decent recovery shot from a rough spot, facilitated by a good-natured Cink.
The American captain adopted a fatherly tone when referring to his players, using phrases like “do your best” and “very proud” in outlining his hopes for his adopted offspring.
Looking left and right – that’s where his autocue prompts were – his delivery had a monotone timbre that emasculated the words.
Then it was Monty’s turn; striding to the lectern with speech in hand he dotted every i and crossed every t but his passion was unmistakeable. Finally it was time for substance as Sky’s Di Stewart invited the two captains to name their pairings for this morning’s fourballs with a rider that “no one knows who will be playing who”. That would be correct obviously except for the two captains, the 24 players, the wives and girlfriends, the vice-captains, the caddies and probably one or two more.
In a break with tradition and possibly at the behest of Sky Sport to elongate the programme, Stewart invited the two captains to explain the reasoning behind their pairings. Pavin was a reluctant participant from the opening shot as evidenced from slightly pithy replies in elaborating on the first two matches. They were warning shots because when Stewart innocently asked why Tigers Woods and Steve Stricker had been chosen for match three, Pavin responded: “Because the first two slots were filled.”
It drew general laughter but Stewart’s smile never touched her eyes. Her point was valid in expressing surprise in that many would have expected the American pairing to be in either the top or bottom matches. Her only problem was that she didn’t phrase the question that way.
The players’ curtain-call as they exited stage left brought a merciful end not so much to the ceremony – it was better than many of the recent ones – but to torpor that governs such a four-day long preamble to the golf where physical rather than vocal elegance will take centre stage.
